Exhaustion

Life is good, don't get me wrong.  But the past few weeks I've been run ragged.  This is always a busy time of year with the normal holiday activities.  Plus all four of us have birthdays between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Add in traveling for Christmas, a baptism, out of town guests, visits with both birthmoms, and a bunch of friend and relative birthdays during that same time frame -- and I'm tired.

Here's what I've accomplished already in the last week:

• Getting the yard cleaned up for winter.
• Buddy's birthday.
• Cleaning the house from top to bottom.
• Hosting 21 people for Thanksgiving dinner.
• Cleaning house after Thanksgiving.
• Zoo lights.
• Pulling an all-nighter for Black Friday.  My first time!  So fun!
• Cutting down and decorating our Christmas tree.
• Date night with G to Breaking Dawn Part One.  LAME/GROSS.  (the movie, not the date)

Here's what I still need to accomplish in the next week/few weeks:

• Fold about 10 loads of laundry sitting on my bedroom floor.
• Clean the house from top to bottom to prepare for visitors this week.
• Buddy's Baptism.
• Make sure Buddy is relaxed about his baptism.
• Pay the bills.
• Plan and execute some sort of Baptism party.
• Host grandparents.
• Host Buddy's birthmom and her family.
• Sambo's birthday.
• Schedule a time to see Sambo's birthmom to celebrate his birthday.
• Make a bunch of cakes/cupcakes for all the parties happening. 
• Get hair cut.
• Two days at Great Wolf Lodge.
• Mail Christmas cards.
• Buy presents.  (Most have been bought, thank heavens.)
• Wrap Christmas presents.
• Deliver packets our friends put together for the homeless.
• Teach the kids about giving and service.  Find opportunities to give and serve.
• Find Buddy a suit.
• Get everybody to the doctor/eye doctor since we've met our deductible for the year.
• Plan and execute a friend birthday party for Sambo.
• Host a Christmas party with our friends.
• Hire movers to move a piano to our house.
• Get that piano repaired and tuned.
• Find a piano teacher for Buddy.
• Talk to our accountant.
• Iron.  OR take G's clothes to the dry cleaners.  He officially has NO un-ironed white shirts.
• Get life insurance before I turn 35 in a few weeks.
• Do everything that needs to be done for my calling.
• Schedule adoption trainings for 2012.
• Plan something fun for G's birthday.
• Get ready to go out of town for Christmas.
• Update our adoption profile.
• I'm sure I have to teach preschool somewhere soon too.
• Get to the gym three times a week since all I do is celebrate people's birthdays.
• Make sure all my friends who are sad are OK.
• Take care of the kids.

Accountable (updated)

Well, he's gone and done it.  Buddy has officially aged to the wonderful age of 8.  It's so hard to believe he's gone from this:

To this:

Every parent says their kids grow too fast but... wow.  I didn't know how hard it would be to see my kids grow up. Not that the future isn't exciting and bright for him, but he's officially at the age of accountability and responsibility.  I had no idea the absolute terror I would feel about the "world" sucking all that is good out of him.  Unfortunately, he will experience sorrow, loneliness, worry, frustration, fear.  Nobody wants that for their child.  But when it's my child. My heart breaks knowing that life is hard for everyone, and my firstborn son will experience hard times too.  I love that my job is to teach, support, and help him.  Plus he's quick to forgive, capable, strong, and smart.  So between his own abilities and the strength of his many loved ones, he'll be OK.  But wow, that's a lot of pressure for a mom!  He deserves the very best life has to offer, but as I've been trying to teach him, life isn't "fair."  I want him to somehow know how to be happy despite hard times.  It's crazy to think he is now responsible for his own happiness. 

I had a feeling mothering would be hard -- because everyone tells you that.  But they also said sleepless nights and potty-training were what made it so hard.  Well, I'm going to publicly say that if that's what you consider "hard," you have easy kids.  Buddy worries me, confuses me, exhausts me, and makes me so incredibly happy all in the same day.  Nobody tells you that sort of stuff -- the rollercoaster your heart goes on when dealing with regular life.

I'll tell you one thing, my heart practically bursts on a daily basis because of his wonderful personality.  He loves deeply, is so patient, loves life, loves everybody, loves God, is curious, and is smart.  I'm so happy to be Buddy's mother.  I didn't know that parenting would be so much fun -- nobody tells you that either. 

I brought him Taco Bell at school for lunch today and enjoyed him whispering in my ear which girls he has a crush on and which girls have a crush on him.  He was the last kid still eating so I encouraged him to hurry and eat so he could go to recess.  He said, "That's OK.  I'm enjoying this more than I'd enjoy recess."  It's moments like that that I work for day-in and day-out with my kids.  And when they happen -- and with him they happen pretty often -- it's pure bliss.

Buddy is such a gift to our family.  But I had a distinct feeling this morning that he is a gift to a lot of families.  Two families call him son.  Those two families are celebrating his life today.  Real life started for those two families when he was born.  It's a lot of pressure for kids to be told they are "lucky" they were adopted, so I am going to try to never give him that responsibility to feel lucky.  But I do want him to know that he is very blessed and lucky to have so many people that love him. 

Not to mention, his wide circle of friends that love him.  When I was at the school today I enjoyed being proudly introduced to all his friends.  Plus all his friends from church, the neighborhood, and former classes that came and said hi to me too.  Nobody told me how awesome that part of parenting is either.  Becoming friends with your kids' friends -- so rewarding.  Then there was a friend of mine at the school who has taken an interest in him over the past year.  Nobody told me that would happen.  That my friends would care about my kids?  I've never felt so humble and thankful, as I was when I learned that one of my friends has prayed for my son.  She saw us having lunch and came to wish him a happy birthday.  She sat down next to him, told him she cared about him, that she had his baptism on her calendar and that she was giving him a challenge to bear his testimony at church after his baptism.  If he'd do it, she'd do it.  They both struggle with anxiety, so her love means a lot to him. 

I don't know what I did (wrong or right) to get this job of raising Buddy.  What a blessing.  I love him with all my heart!

*  Our Bishop just called to wish Buddy a happy birthday.  How cool is that?!

Also, I most definitely do NOT have my sister's or friends' talents for making cool birthday cakes.  I shouldn't even try.  Well, to be completely honest, I don't even try.  Buddy's birthday cake was an afterthought today.  I knew and planned the type of cake, but I didn't have a plan for how to execute it.  It turned out horrific at best.  Honestly, it was so ridiculous looking, I couldn't stop laughing and should have been totally ashamed of myself.  I apologized to Buddy for making it so ugly and he said, "If I was allowed to say 'shut up' I would right now.  The cake is fine."

I rest my case about his awesomeness.

Essays

 

Buddy is amazing in every way.  One of his very best talents is testing my abilities as a parent.  I have been trying to consistently do timeouts rather than supplementing with lectures, yelling, or worse.  But many of his behaviors that test me the most don't really fall into the "you've just earned a timeout" category.

I have found that if he gets a chance to explain himself, a lot of times he de-escalates.  Unfortunately, when I'm irritated I rarely have the patience to sit and listen to his feelings.  So along came a brilliant idea.  I could have him write essays to explain his behavior and what he could do better.

In the last 6 days, he's written 17 pages worth of essays.  He earns a page per infraction that I feel doesn't really warrant a timeout.  I make a list of topics I'd like him to cover in each essay.  He has to sit on his bed away from the rest of us and write.  If he gets off his bed, he gets another page.  These essays have become a highlight of my day.  I might share a few here on the blog because they are so amusing.  The interesting thing is how much I adore him after reading his essays.

Here's today's essay.  The topics were:  Why I shouldn't get out of my bed.  What happens when I don't get enough sleep?  Why mom doesn't like it.  And What I should do if I'm not tired.  He got out of bed three times last night before falling asleep, so he earned 3 pages.  I kept his punctuation, but fixed his spelling errors, which are getting fewer and further between which each essay!

Without further adieu:


"I have one essay to write and it will not be fun.  So I got out of bed and I don't remember what I was doing while I was out of my bed.  And when you don't get enough sleep you get really really really really cranky in the morning, middle of the day, and afternoon, and noonday.  And your parents don't like it right?  So you should go to sleep... right mom or dad?  And mom or dad doesn't like it because it sometimes wakes him or her up and she or him doesn't like that and she or him doesn't want to be cranky right mom or dad?  And also our parents don't allow it so they don't let you do it.

And if I am not tired I should lay down and rest, or try to go to sleep right mom or dad.  But I should never get up never... right?  And if I...Ever... Ever... Ever do that again I will be very very very very very very sorry and try not to do it again never... or never again in my life!  And make sure to discipline me so I will learn even though you don't like it when you have to discipline me.  I want to learn very very very badly.  So I want you to discipline me good.  And I don't want to get off of my bed but I can't sleep.  And getting off my bed is a very bad choice right?

Oh I forgot a couple of stuff.  So on getting out of my bed.  So it's because God doesn't like it either... right mom or dad?  And about the if I don't get enough sleep.  So your parents get cranky too because then you get mad and you get even more cranky right mom?  So about the why mom doesn't like it thing.  So she doesn't also like it because it is the rule to stay in bed.  Oh did i write that down already?  Oh well if I did because almost done and I am very happy about that...  And I mean it like a ton of times.  And if I get out of my bed again I will be very sorry."

Heaven Couldn't Be Better Than That

A couple weeks ago G and I took a little break from real life and spent a couple days in the Columbia River Gorge.  It was fantastic in every way.  We dropped the kids off early at my brother's house.  Once we were free, our first stop was a 4-hour scenic train ride around the Hood River valley.  The fall colors were at their peak and it was so much fun to sit in silence and look out the window at all the farms and trees.  We both fell asleep a few times, which at first we felt bad about, but actually that enhanced the experience.  Relaxing in every way!

 

Halfway through the train ride we stopped in a gorgeous rural farming town.  The town is known for it's apple and pear orchards and sits at the foot of Mt. Hood.  We bought lunch at the little grocery store and sat in the park and ate.  The sun was out, the air was warm, and the scenery could not have been more beautiful with the fall colors, and Mt. Hood in the background.

 G in front of his beloved Mt. Hood.

 Eating our picnic lunch.  We both agreed this picnic was a highlight of the weekend.  Reminded us of the pre-children era.

Me in a pear orchard. 

After our train ride, we drove to a big farm and walked around.  It was weird not having the kids because they would have loved it, but I'm not going to lie... it was really nice. We wandered around, picked out some cool gourds for my dining room table, ate a donut, and enjoyed the sunshine.

Next we returned to the city of Hood River and walked up and down the streets looking in all the shops.  G found Buddy his very first pair of skis (used) for his birthday!  We had dinner at a delicious pizza place and watched an a capella group perform.  We felt like we were back at BYU.

Our last stop of the night was our resting place, Skamania Lodge.  If you live around here, you must go.  Wow!  It was so relaxing.  They had a giant fire going in the main area of the hotel and a bonfire outside.  We sat in the outdoor hot tub.  We wandered around the hotel and noticed there wasn't a child in sight.  HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! 

The next morning we slept in, laid around, watched TV, and finally went to brunch at noon.  The main reason we even went to the Skamania Lodge is for the brunch.  And that's the main reason you should go too.  It was amazingly wonderful.  Delicious!  After brunch, we sat in the family room and looked out the windows at the rain and decided to take a little nap right there in the rocking chairs.  Since we were so exhausted from doing nothing all day, you know. 

We drove around a bit, then did some shopping and eventually returned home in the evening.  It was the perfect getaway because we were missing the kids by that point.  They were mildly happy to see us and after an hour of being back in their presence, we were exhausted again and ready for another weekend away.  Luckily it was bed time!

The kids survived without us, of course, in my brother and sis-in law's capable hands.  I think Jordan and Tahsha were a little worse for the wear, though.  When they told us about their weekend, they kept giving us the "They were great!" line, while giving us that "courtesy" laugh people do when they are feeling really awkward.  My parents joined my brother and everybody to take the kids to our ward's trunk-or-treat.  My dad said the kids had fun but after comparing my kids' energy level/behavior with the rest of the ward (and my ward has NO shortage of kids), he said, "Your kids had fun.  And your kids are not calm."

And this, everyone, is why me and G had so much fun on our weekend away.

That, and the fact that G is a wonderful friend and companion.  And as fun as it was to see some new things and eat great food and be without the kids, the very best part was just being with him.

Pray for Snow (by G)

I have blogged before about the many realizations that I have had that I'm truly a father. Yesterday I had another one of those moments. The awesome thing about the stage in life that we are at with the kids is that my kids are old enough to start participating and enjoying that things in life that I do. I'm happy to report that the boys in the family now have season passes to Mt. Hood Meadows. It was a proud day.

Destruction

It has been a gorgeous fall here in Oregon.  We have had spectacular sunrises three days in a row.*  The beauty of the blue skies this week and the vibrant fall colors and the crunchy leaves on the sidewalk have literally taken my breath away a few times.  This is why I'm a proud Oregonian!  I don't remember fall ever being so gorgeous before, though.  Normally I'm not a huge fan of this time of year, although I love the colors of the leaves.  I usually am too torn up about the cooler weather and school starting to appreciate the beauty of the trees. But I'm changing that because obviously I've been missing out. 

My boys have been playing outside a lot this week.  I am sitting here on the couch paying bills and watching them launch large outside toys off the slide in our backyard.  I've been thinking a lot lately about letting kids be kids, and in my case:  letting boys be boys.  I can guarantee people will get hurt and toys will get broken during this adventure.  Should I stop them?  I already yelled at them 15 minutes ago for breaking most of our Halloween decorations in the front yard in their quest to re-decorate for the 100th time. I hate ruined things and messes.  You have no idea how much I hate messes!  Anyone who knows me knows I like order.  But somehow I got creative kids and they can't be themselves if they are clean, tidy, and don't touch things.

And don't get me started on their incessant climbing.  We went to the pumpkin patch this week and I had to tell Buddy (almost 8 years old) 4 times in a matter of a few minutes to GET DOWN off of different things that weren't "safe" by my standards to be climbing on.  But then I'm not sure about my standards since I'm scared of heights.  The last straw was him climbing on the TOP of the play structure's monkey bars.   I told him to get down and threatened to leave since he wasn't listening.  But then I stopped myself.  It was a play structure, after all.  I pretended like I was reading my magazine to avoid all the horrified looks I got from all the parents the rest of the time we were there.

What's a mother like me to do?  Seriously!  Give me some advice here, please!  Should I allow them to break things and climb to unsafe heights, or should I continue to harp on them so they turn out like me?!  Or is there another solution I can't see here?

*  The sun rises late this week.  Don't worry I'm still not an early riser!  Come to think of it, I think this week is the first time I've ever seen a sunrise...  In my life.  No wonder I'm so impressed!

My Day

 This picture has nothing to do with this post, but I love it.  This is at Buddy's "Fun Run" a few weeks ago.  Click on the picture to enlarge it so you can see both my boys.  Buddy ran 8 laps in 20 minutes and Sambo ran 9 laps in about 90 minutes.  It was in the 90's that day so they had an area just up the track from where they are where they could take drinks and get hosed off. 

Compared to Monday, today was a colossal FAIL.  Nothing bad happened, but all sorts of things and people bugged me.  But after evaluating what my basic problem was today, I realized something:  I forgot to pray this morning.  Things have been hectic around here with lots going on, and lots of friends in real crisis.  I've been trying to be all things to all people and mostly it's been working out OK.  Praying has been a requirement for making it through the day in one piece, though.  Take Monday for example.  It might have been one of the busiest days I've ever had (besides finals weeks at BYU of course).  I had a list of things to do so long my head started spinning four days in advance.  I got organized days in advance and starting checking things off my list.  By Sunday night I was overwhelmed by what still HAD to be done.  I prayed on Monday morning that the hours would move slowly and I'd get everything done.  I did get every single thing done besides going to the gym.  And I still had time to provide my daily service, read to Sambo, make homemade soup (which is a story in and of itself*), homemade rolls, and watch a little TV before bed.  It was one of those "loaves and fishes" (except in this case it was loaves and minutes) types of experiences.  

Today was the opposite.  I had a lot to do, but wanted to make time to spend a little time with the kids.  I budgeted my time so I could take them to the library and to the park.  Maybe it was because I only got five hours of sleep last night, but I'm pretty sure the day was long and hard and the kids were annoying, and I had no patience, and I only got three things (of 30) done on my "to-do" list -- all because I forgot to pray.  What a difference it makes!

 Squash Soup Mutiny

Here are a few of the things I did laugh or smile about today.  I have made three kinds of soup this week.  I'm not a fan (gasp!) of Fall, but soup makes it bearable.  Plus I had two different kinds of soup last night at enrichment.  So that makes FIVE soups in FOUR days.  That must be some sort of record.  *Do you want to hear more about the Monday night soup incident?  My kids are remarkable eaters.  I know Buddy was born that way (not Sambo, however).  I have zero tolerance for picky-ness and have never ever in my entire eight years of mothering served my children something special because they didn't like what I had made.  I'm a pretty decent dinner-maker and provide a huge variety of healthy meals.  My kids always eat, even if they complain a little.  I do not battle over food.  I always give them the choice of eating without drama and complaining, or sitting on their bed while the rest of us eat.  Neither has ever chosen to sit on their bed.  Well, Monday night I made butternut squash soup.  It's a recipe from my sister, that I really love and it's very similar to a zucchini soup recipe I made two weeks ago that we all really love.  Well, apparently these kids HATE squash.  I cannot even tell you the mutiny I had.  I already knew G hated the soup, but wow.  The kids were actually crying about it.  Not throwing a tantrum or complaining, but downright sobbing.  I gave them a few bites each and they both were gagging and heaving like I've never seen.  So, for the first time ever, I gave them some yogurt and some rolls and called it dinner.  I found it so incredibly funny, I am still laughing about it two days later.  And the best news, I got all the leftovers!

Here are two awesome dinner conversations from tonight:

Buddy:  These rolls are good.
Sambo:  Told you!
Buddy:  You never told me that, you're just trying to make conversation.

And...

Buddy:  MOM!!!!!!  Sambo just told me he wants to kill me with a knife!
Sambo:  No!  Not a real knife!


And here's a story G told me about our neighbors.  Our neighbors are amazing.  Some of the best people we've ever met.  Unfortunately, their house is on the market and I think that if their house sells I'll have to go on anti-depressants.  I love them and I want my kids to be close friends with their kids.  And I want their oldest daughter to be our permanent babysitter.  She turns 12 next week!  (And if I'm being honest, I want Buddy to marry their youngest daughter.)  Anyway, one son, Tyler is in Buddy's class.  Their homework was to write sentences using their spelling words.  One of the spelling words was "when."  Tyler wrote this:  "Don't you hate it when your butt crack itches?"

No can't you see why I'm devastated they are moving?  HILARIOUS kids!

Sambo decided today he wants a princess dress to dress-up in.  He asked me several times.  Finally, I had the idea to dress him up in the sundress I wear after swimming.  He thought he looked so pretty and then asked me to put a "silly band" (but what he meant was a rubberband

Pretty Princess

I was starving after the gym and was craving Burgerville today. I resisted and started driving home, the opposite direction from Burgerville.  The craving intensified and I couldn't handle it, so I had to wheel into the drive-thru of Burger King before I got home.  It totally hit the spot! 

Sambo feels bad for his brother that he gets to make crafts at preschool and gets prizes at speech.  So he started making Buddy special little crafts and surprising him when he gets home from school.  He thinks of them all on his own.  As you can imagine, Buddy loves it.  Last week Sambo cut up a bunch of papers and glued them all together to make a robot.  Yesterday while I was in the shower he found some straws, cut them all up and glued them on a paper like "thorns."  As a person with NO creativity or artistic inclinations, I am always so impressed!  And I was particularly relieved it was only straws he cut up and not something important!

"Thorns"

Today while at the park my kids were being really annoying.  Getting in the mud, hiding in the bushes by the road where middle school kids walk by, begging me to push them the entire time on the tire swing which is fine except Sambo wants to go slow and Buddy wants to go FAST.  Anyway, I was about to pull the plug on the outing and called to Buddy that we were leaving.  He said he wanted to do the monkey bars one more time.  As I called to him a few minutes later because he still hadn't come, I noticed him helping a slightly younger girl ease her way off the monkey bars.  She was stuck and a little afraid.  He was holding one of her feet, guiding and encouraging her.  As irritating as he can be, he impresses me so much.  He is good to the core. 

Now that I type all this out, I guess it wasn't that bad of a day after all.  (Especially now that the kids are asleep and G is finally home to do the dishes!)  The therapy of typing makes up for the fact that I should have been doing something more productive, I guess.