Is There a Doctor in the House?

I took the boys in for their annual pediatrician check-ups this week. It's always an adventure to go, and unfortunately I wasn't thinking when I scheduled them at the same time. Their birthdays are two weeks apart, so I figured why go twice when we could go once. That was not a good strategy I quickly realized. My children don't have bad behavior per se, but they are both hyper and so spending 1.5 hours in a tiny exam room right in the middle of the afternoon (right during naptime for Sambo and right during the afterschool witching hour for Buddy) is a recipe for frayed nerves for mommy.

There were some highlights that caused a chuckle from me, a laugh out loud from the doctor or nurse, and most likely a roll of the eyes from you.

Our pediatrician's nurse is really nice. As she was weighing in the boys, she said, "I saw your kids on the schedule when I came in this morning and I got excited about a great day!"

"Yeah right...!" I said.

And her reply set the stage for the rest of the visit. "Appointments with Buddy are always quite memorable, so yes, I was awfully excited to see what was in store today."

Buddy is petrified of shots -- and not like the normal nervousness that most kids get. I mean the stress-for-days sort of scared. The day before we had tried to go to a free swine flu vaccine clinic in town, but it had been cancelled, unbeknownst to me. Buddy was filled with pure glee, however.

The next day was the check-up and the entire drive over to the appointment Buddy repeatedly asked me how certain I was that he was NOT getting a shot. I must have told him a hundred times before we arrived that he wouldn't need or get any shots. Right when we arrived, Buddy started begging every employee to please not give him any shots. It was the nurse that dropped the bomb that they did have some swine flu vaccines available and she strongly recommended both boys get one. But she said it in code so Buddy wouldn't totally flip out.

He didn't really know what was going on, but he quickly noticed that I was no longer reassuring him that he wasn't getting one. Luckily tears and totally freaking out did NOT begin at this point, but from that point on he was frantic to steer all conversations toward happier thoughts. I swear he's never talked so fast or so much -- and that's saying something.

Meanwhile, Sambo was climbing all over the examination table, falling off the chairs, throwing books in the sink, throwing milk in the special garbage, begging for snacks, etc.

By the end, I was tempted to buy everyone a stiff drink, and none of us even drink. It was that bad.

Here are some of Buddy's highlights:

• He's 42 pounds (hasn't gained anything in a year) --25th percentile for weight.
  
• He's int he 45th percentile for height, which really surprised me. He seems so much smaller than all of his friends and classmates. I guess they are just abnormally tall.
  
• We discussed some other health concerns that would mortify him if he knew I was typing them on our blog, so use your imagination.
• The best was during his frantic "change the subject" episode when asked the doctor to guess his favorite meat. (Sausage)
• Or the time at the end of his frantic "change the subject" episode when he knew I was really annoyed by his attention-seeking, so he asked the doctor if Santa brings presents to only good kids, or sometimes to bad kids. His raised eyebrow and sincerity were so precious. The doctor's response was priceless, "He always brings presents to good kids. But he knows that some kids make bad choices on accident, so he brings them presents too." Even during extreme stress, Buddy still doesn't take his eye off the prize. (Christmas presents)
  
• Or the time when the doctor had to examine his "privates" and Buddy tightly crossed his legs and said, "I know if my mom is with me it's OK for you to do this. But you're not going to make fun of me, are you? And you aren't going to let the nurse come in right now, are you?"
• And then the time when the doctor asked me if he's pooping and peeing well. And before I had a chance to answer "yes," Buddy piped up, "I poop just fine. My mom makes me go poop right before school every day."
• Buddy is showing no signs of getting his 6-year molars. I had no idea children got more teeth! Come to find out they also get more teeth at age 12 and 16 (I did know that.) You learn something new every day!
  

And here are Sambo's highlights:

• He's 25.5 pounds -- and in the 10th percentile for weight. (I know you are shocked at this statistic if you've seen him eat.)
  
• He's in the 45th percentile for height, which also really surprised me. I figured he was shorter than that.
• Sambo had an ear infection, which also surprised me because he had given no indication that he wasn't feeling well.
• The doctor has no idea why he's had a runny nose for the past 2 months. Maybe allergies, maybe ear infections, maybe several viruses, maybe dairy. But definitely not teething, which was what we've suspected.
• The doctor discovered a severely infected pinky finger, which I had not noticed. (Are you getting the impression I'm clueless about my children?) I wracked my brain to try to figure out what had caused it, but I couldn't keep all the falls, bangs, and other owies straight in my memory. Later G reminded me that over a week prior, he had slammed his finger in the heavy doors at church. He cried hard for a minute, but then was fine and that memory got mixed in with the all other owies he gets every day and I totally forgot about it. We decided not to treat it, since it had been over a week. But today it's oozing puss like crazy out of the nail and is swollen to twice it's size, so he'll be starting an antibiotic tonight.
  
• We got a referral for early intervention speech therapy. On one hand I think Sambo is the most precious and perfect child and I love him just how he is. I don't care in the least that he doesn't talk. But I strongly believe that if he really does have an issue with speech or learning, it would be much better to get him help now. I want him to have all the possibilities that life offers and it's hard to take advantage of all of life's educational opportunities if you lag behind in one or more areas. His doctor thought he was a perfect candidate for the program, so hopefully it helps!
  
• The doctor was amused by his personality. How gentle his little spirit is, but how wild and crazy his body is. He said he calls kids like this "silent but deadly". G and I couldn't believe we hadn't already thought of that nickname for him, since that describes him perfectly.