I Couldn't Make This Stuff Up If I Tried

Yesterday I visited another ward's conference.  Sambo was a just getting over being sick, so G decided to stay home with him.  I invited Buddy to join me at the other ward. 

I was asked to teach the 4-year old primary class in that ward, which I happily did.  Buddy was very put out having to attend a younger class, by the way.  He made sure to tell as many people as possible that he is SIX -- not FOUR.  But that's beside the point.

We were learning a new song in primary with the lyrics "How could the Father tell the world of love and tenderness?  He sent his son, a newborn babe, with peace and holiness."  The teacher talked to the children about how Jesus came as a baby so we would understand love.  Right then Buddy whispers to me "What is tenderness?"  I told him it's loving somebody gently or touching them softly. 

I could tell for the next five to ten minutes he was thinking and was no longer engaged in learning the new song.

Then he leans over and whispers again, "Why would Jesus touch somebody inappropriately?"

As you can imagine, I was a little confused and slightly horrifed.  But I was relieved that I was his teacher that day and he didn't say that to somebody with less knowledge about the way he thinks.

So I calmly replied, that Jesus would never touch anybody inappropriately, and then I made a mental note to finish discussing this later.

Later that night during dinner I started the conversation again and asked Buddy to tell daddy about the new song he was learning at church.

He shifted in his seat, obviously feeling uncomfortable about the subject.  He said he just didn't understand why Jesus would do "that." 

I said, "do what?"  And he proceeded to point to his crotch. 

This conversation was really strange to me because we've had lots of conversations lately about "privates" and not saying and doing "innappropriate" things.  We've established a rule that G and I are his "safeside" adults, so he can only talk to us about such topics -- and he is not allowed to discuss such things with his friends or any other adult.  He normally talks very freely about his privates, so I was so confused why he was suddenly so uncomfortable.

So I pressed him on it, reminding him we are his safeside adults. 

That's when he came clean.  "I don't understand why Jesus would touch people's 'tenders,'" pointing again at his crotch.

And that's when I started laughing harder than I've ever laughed in my entire life.  Even now, 24 hours later, I still can't stop laughing.

I asked him where he learned the term "tenders" and he reminded me it's in Kung Fu Panda.

And that's when I recalled the conversation in Primary.  He asked what tenderness meant, just to clarify that the tenderness we were learning about was the same as his definition of "tenders."  So when I naiively told him it's "loving somebody gently or touching them softly," well, that's when things started to unravel for him. 

Just another reason I love this kid.  And another reason why we use proper anatomical terms in this house.