Have You Heard the News?

Oprah has a biological half-sister.  Her mother placed a baby for adoption when Oprah was nine.  Oprah lived with her father in another state, so she didn't know about the baby until a few months ago.  I Tivo'd the show earlier this week when Oprah made the big announcement and then finally watched it last night.  I was riveted, so I hope you got to see it too.  There were some unfortunate aspects of the story.  I was really sorry to hear the sadness and pain that came from Patricia's (the half-sister) adoption story.  There was no mention of the adopted family, or why she was in foster care for so many years, so I can only assume that the entire situation was not good.  I hate hearing adoption stories like that because some people then assume that all adopted children suffer pain.  And that is just not true.  In this specific case, it sounds like she had some lousy parents, and that happens plenty of times when families are formed the old-fashioned way too.

However, I thought the story was mostly fabulous.  I love it when adoption -- specifically open adoption -- gets a national audience.  And who better than Oprah to tell an adoption story!

I loved that Patricia said over and over again that finally meeting her biological family made her feel whole.  I believe that too and that is precisely why we have deep and meaningful relationships with our boys' birth families.  In fact, Sambo's birthmom is coming over tonight.  I hope my boys always feel whole.  I hope they never have to formulate their own conclusions because they don't have answers to their beginnings.  Fear breeds from a lack of knowledge and understanding.  And there really is no reason for my sons to have any fear or worry about their adoptions. 

And mostly I loved that Oprah encouraged her mother to let go of the guilt of placing a baby for adoption.  Placing a baby is not shameful.  It's hard.  It's excruciating.  But it is not bad.  If society could stop making birth mothers feel ashamed of placing a baby, we'd have more women make that choice.  And the women that do make that choice could have an easier time healing.

On a related note, Oregon and Idaho have several proposed bills that would essentially make it impossible, if not very difficult, for a woman to choose to a place a baby for adoption.  Considering I have a boy born in each Oregon and Idaho, these bills concern me.  They are supported by birth mothers that had bad experiences and had their babies "taken" from them years ago.  Fortunately, those scenarios don't happen any more because they are illegal and unethical.  And fortunately open adoption is the trend now, thus eliminating that fear I was talking about before. 

I look forward to getting involved to make sure these bills get stopped before moving past committee.  If the time comes where we need more support I will call on my friends and family to pitch in to help write letters too.  I will keep you posted!

Sisters

I mentioned that my sister came to visit for Christmas.  She was supposed to stay for 11 days or so, then fly home, then fly back across the country again a mere 10 days later for a wedding in Utah, then return home.  She considered flying directly from our house to Utah, but no one there had any baby gear.  One day it dawned on us that she ought to just stay with us in the meantime -- thus avoiding two cross-country flights with small children.  So we changed some flights around and it become a done deal.  She got to hang out for a total of three weeks here with us! 

I think part of why my week last week was so rough was because we were all a little (a lot) depressed that she had left.  I got used to having a "wife" around.  It cannot be overstated how great it was to have an extra set of capable hands.  My boys enjoyed having Hippo as a playmate.  (In Sambo's case, I use the term "enjoyed" loosely.)  And I got really used to having that precious baby smile at me every time I walked by. 

I loved every single second of having them here, and was so sad to see them leave.  My sister is an amazing mother.  She has a gift for patience and is highly trained to understand children and people in general.  She is a fabulous cook, cleans up after herself, kept me entertained with funny stories and her sharp wit, not to mention her wise outlook on life.  She likes to get out and do things with the kids and had a great attitude even though she battled the stomach flu, a cold, fatigue from caring for a brand new baby, insomnia, and parenting alone when her husband had to go home to get back to school.  Her husband is an amazing father.  He has a connection with their oldest son that I've never ever seen before.  He shares in all the parenting responsibilities (including helping plenty with my kids) and never seems to get tired.  That guy is a workhorse and cooked, cleaned, ran errands, played with the kids, helped G set up a new speaker system, to name a few things.  With all that said, it's no wonder they were such fun and easy house guests. 

You know something really ironic?  My sister and I couldn't stand each other growing up.  It was a very good thing once we no longer lived under the same roof.  We were just shy of two years apart and had to share a room, so we never had privacy and had ample opportunity to torment one another.  We had nothing in common besides being stubborn -- so everything about each other was annoying.  It was a terrible and volatile relationship.  One time many years ago I suggested my sister live with me for a few months.  This was when G and I were newlyweds and we had a spare bedroom in our tiny apartment.  I can't remember why she needed a place to live.  Anyway, my mom heard about the proposal and called and told both of us "HELL NO!"  Us living under the same roof = very bad idea.

My how things have changed because now I can hardly wait until our next visit.  I found myself begging her to move into my house or at least my town or county when they are done with school.  Whereas I found sharing a room with her torture growing up, now I think having her across the country is torture. 

Funny how we "used" to have nothing in common yet now I agree with everything she says.  We still are different, but our husbands have said on more than one occasion that we're very similar.  In fact, they have formed a support group for men married to S* girls.  (Luckily there are only two girls in my family.)  I don't know what happened.  Did our punk kids draw us closer?  We do have a lot in common in that department, I'll tell you that.  Our oldest children were most definitely cut from the same cloth!  Did our shared experiences growing up draw us closer now that we've got adult perspectives?  Or like our husbands have been insisting for years, are we more similar that we thought? 

Who knows, but I do know this.  I miss her like crazy.  I miss her kids like crazy.  I love them like my own children, and I can't wait for our next visit.  Come back soon!

P.S.  I only took ONE picture of my sister while she was here.  And I never got one of her awesome new hairdo.

P.P.S.  I'm still in a good mood after my break last week!

P.P.P.S. Sambo is back.  His bad mood/violent tantrums stopped when he got some quantity time with daddy.  He's been sweet and adorable just like he used to be.  Love this version of him!

Mommy Snapped

I bet that title got your attention!  

Well, it's true.  

Mommy snapped last week.

That little child pictured above -- in his mis-matched outfit, pants on backwards, shirt on backwards, (his underwear are on backwards too), trying to put his brother's tie on -- has been making me crazy.  He chose that outfit because he does what he wants.  And come hell or high-water, there is no convincing him that an outfit like that won't work.  Or that ANY of his ideas won't work. 

When he turned three he turned from a perfect angel to the devil.  Three years old was Buddy's hardest year too, but oh wow, the contrast between 2 months ago and now.  Joy vs. Sorrow.  

The peace before.  The screaming incessantly now.  The mellow, go-with-the-flow attitude.  The "ME DO IT!" attitude now.  The "I don't care if people play with my toys" before.  The "MINE!" now.  The sitting still before.  The curious and into everything now.  It's been quite the fun past few weeks.  My ears are ringing constantly and I can not get rid of this headache.

And then you add my oldest son who is hyper and doesn't stop talking.  And a husband who is never, ever home because he works every night and every weekend.  And the holidays/birthdays which wore me out.  And a case of the stomach flu (for me) last weekend.  And a horrible case of insomnia that came upon me this week.  I've only had insomnia one other time in my life and that was many years ago.  Why this is happening right now when I could REALLY use some rest is beyond me. 

Yep-mommy was worn to a frazzle last week.  

(I know, woah is me.  My life is so hard.)

I knew I needed a break.  Like a long break or I was going to do something I regretted.  I was already picking up a pretty serious swearing problem.  (Buddy asked G in privacy Friday if I was going to get into heaven since I swear so much.)  Plus I knew that my boys were acting up in part because they don't see their father enough.  

So I made a phone call to G at work on Thursday that went something like this.

"Hi.  I'm really sorry your day is busy.  But my day is horrific.  I'm exhausted because I haven't slept in over a week.  Buddy is sick with a fever and was up all night with insomnia too.  Sambo won't stop screaming.  Hear him in the background?  That's because I wouldn't let him wipe his own bum.  Oh, and just to let you know, I'm clocking out tonight at bedtime and I will not be back on duty until Saturday morning.  So either you take the day off work tomorrow, or you are going to need to hire a nanny and she needs to be here at 7am to get the kids up tomorrow.  What's that?  You have a project due tomorrow.  Oh that's really too bad.  I'll send you a list of nanny options then.  Don't call any of my friends because they are stressed out too."

Two hours later I sent him an instant message and asked how the plans were coming.  

And this my friends, I why I married this man.  He got it all worked out.  

I got the entire day off on Friday and I'm guessing I'll be in a good mood as a result for at least a month.  It was marvelous.  (It actually would have been even better -- if that's possible -- if I wasn't so $%#$ exhausted from my insomnia and if my headache from the screaming children hadn't lingered so long.)  I'm sort of thinking of doing this every six months. 

Here's what I did. 

• Slept in until 10:15.  
• Went furniture shopping.  
• Went to the gym.
• Showered at the gym in peace without little hands touching my make-up and dumping dishwasher soap all over the kitchen while I was in the shower.
• Took myself to lunch.
• Went shopping at several stores. Picked out some new silverware that G's parents said they would buy for us LAST Christmas, but I haven't had time to pick out with children in tow.
• Went to the mall. 
• Sat down at the mall and watched people.  Didn't talk to anyone or listen to anyone. 
• Continued shopping at the mall.
• Got myself a light dinner.
• Went to a meeting at LDSFS.
• Came home at 9:30 to sleeping children and a clean house.  And an exhausted husband.

I love leaving G with the children for so many reasons.  I love getting a break, I love returning refreshed and more excited to be with my kids, I love that G gets to hear what I mean when I say our two children are the loudest two children ever to be born, I love that I can always count on G cleaning the house and leaving it immaculate, I love that I can count on G to do housework I've been putting off, like cleaning Sambo's warzone of a bedroom, I love that the kids don't attention-seek and act up as much because they are enjoying time with their father, I love hearing all the hilarious stories from G's day with the kids, I love hearing that he broke the unpardonable sin and peeled Sambo's banana, and I love remembering how lucky I am to be married to someone who takes SOS calls at work seriously.

Christmas in Review

Is it too late to be talking about Christmas?  Hopefully not because I have a lot to say.  I've been too hung over in post-holiday bliss to get around to cracking open Blogger to give you an adequate recap.  But here goes now.

We had a marvelous Christmas.  Probably our best -- for a few reasons.  First of all, Sambo is plenty old enough now to "get it" and anticipated the big day right along with the rest of us.  We've been working on trying to get him to say his own prayers for a good year and finally, finally... he uttered his first prayer without us prompting him.  And you'll never guess what he prayed for:  that Santa Claus would bring him presents.  Beggers can't be choosers, and we were elated that he finally prayed all by himself.  (Even if we are a little worried he'll be a jack Mormon.)

So anyway, celebrating the holiday with the boys was great.  Christmas morning surrounded by kids is about as good as life gets, in my opinion.  Plus, my sister and her family came to visit.  They arrived the evening of my birthday.  She has a newborn, so besides getting "peace and quiet" and lunch out with my best friends for my birthday, I also got to see my awesome nephew, Henry and hold his new brother, Finn.  Made for a perfect birthday!

Christmas Eve 2010.  The boys wearing their new jammies.

Christmas morning was great.  Santa did come and bring lots of presents.  Including an amazing slide he found on craigslist.  Santa is just soooo smart!

We hosted Christmas dinner, which was fun and crazy.  We had 25 people plus two babies.  Hosting made for a very long day, and I think we ought to definitely consider simplifying in the the future... but it was great having so much family here at our house.  And the food wasn't too shabby either.  This family can cook!

I got a new camera for Christmas, so the quality of my photos will hopefully be better from now on.  That is, if I ever learn how to use it. Here's my first attempt Christmas night:

And I apologize now for all the jealousy my darling children cause you when you read my blog.  Yes, I am aware they are STUNNING.  And now I have a good camera to prove it.

The rest of our Christmas vacation was fabulous too.  We had an extremely fun New Year's party with friends and my siblings and cousin.  Then the next day my sister woke up with a horrible case of the stomach flu and since then it's knocked most of the adults out, one at a time.  But that didn't stop the fun.

 6 of the 8 darlings at our New Year's Party

Greg got a little carried away ringing in the New Year.

My sister was supposed to leave to return home to Detroit the Monday after New Year's.  She was supposed to fly home, then fly back across the country to Utah a week and a half later for a wedding.  Rather than torture herself with several cross-country flights with restless little ones, we thought she should stay and torture herself at our house until the wedding.  And so she did!  And having her here was the cherry on top of an already great Christmas.  (More on that in another post.)

One of the best parts of having everybody around during Christmas was having all the cousins together.  Even if Sambo and cousin Henry COULD NOT get along for more than 3 seconds at a time (no exaggeration), and even if we spent the entire time trying to keep the two of them apart, it was still really fun having all five cousins together (all boys!).

Buddy loves the babies!

Baby Camden (11 months) was completely smitten by Baby Finn (9 weeks) -- and the other way around.  Finn would laugh hysterically watching his slightly older cousin. 

Buddy played so cute with Finn.  He would spend 20 minutes stimulating him, then Finn would need a monster nap.  (I feel the same way, Finn!)

Movie time.  An attempt to calm the masses.

Playing at the Children's Museum.  A rare moment of peace between these two.  

Yes, it's confirmed.  I want one of these SOON.

All five cousins before bed.