Thank You

The conference is over.

I'm not even tired -- it's weird.

To say it was phenomenal would be a huge understatement.

I'm so full of joy and reverence for the adoption experience and for those that shared their stories this weekend. We had birth parents, adoptive parents, adoptees, attorneys, caseworkers, general authorities come. One by one they shared their feelings about adoption. Each person came at the experience from a different angle, but each one came with a message of hope. They all spoke with emotional and boldness that adoption can and will bless all parties involved.

I know for certain that I will joyfully and thankfully look back on this experience for years to come. Both because of the experience I gained in putting all the details together -- but mostly because of the reassurance I felt that my family is being created by divine design. There is a blueprint for my family and each member has arrived in just the way there were supposed to.

Adoption is an extremely complex process. Emotionally, logistically, financially, spiritually, and legally. But it's purpose is simple: Love.

I am so in love with my boys' birth mothers. The lessons I learned this weekend are swirling around in my mind and there just aren't explanations or even metaphors to describe that love I have for them. Not to mention the love they have for their babies.

But I am thankful and I hold those feelings close to my heart. And I'm especially thankful that the two boys who are at the center of all this love will always know that they are loved and wanted.

At Least Two People are Getting Some Sleep Around Here

First things first: Happy November! It's National Adoption Month!

Today my celebrations included:

• Hugging and Kissing my boys about a million times.
• Wearing my Courage necklace which reminds me of all sorts of adopted-related things.
• Buying a new shirt because I deserve it. And I need to look halfway decent tomorrow.
  
• Finishing up last-minute preparations for the conference tomorrow and Saturday
• Writing my congressmen to request they support HR 213, which will make the adoption tax credit permanent.

I still have a lot to blog about including: Another project almost completed. My big surprise project that I still need to tell you about. Some interesting things the boys have been up to. And since it's Adoption Month, I'm supposed to be blogging about adoption. I promise I will do that next week.

In the meantime, please enjoy my token Halloween pics. We had a GREAT Halloween, by the way including grandma and grandpa visiting from Nevada, and my brother and parents coming over for the evening. And I got a new hairdo. (I promise, it's true. But don't get your hopes up. It's subtle.)


And.... The crib-jumping saga is over. Thank goodness because that was a really frustrating 10 days. No, we didn't purchase a crib tent. We just gave in and let the boys sleep together. Buddy has always struggled to fall asleep quickly -- but not anymore. Who knew that all he needed was a little brother to kick him in the back for an hour straight and that would be the ticket. Whatever works, I guess. I'm not joking when I say they have been sleeping marvelously.

Two little monkeys sleeping in the bed.

Projects-Dresser

Yep, that's me in my awesome "work clothes" taking the original stain off and yes, I am wearing a scrunchie

After 11 years of marriage, I suppose it's time for an upgrade. When we were poor college student newlyweds, we bought a very old dresser from a married couple across the street. They were selling all their earthly possessions to afford tuition that semester, so we picked up the fine piece of furniture for $10. The wood was chipped, a few of the handles were missing, and the stain on the wood was very old fashioned. I'm not one to rip somebody off, but we couldn't afford to pay our neighbors any more. We had tuition to pay too! We've lived with it's ugliness in our bedroom all this time and have never bothered to do anything to make it look nicer/more modern.

A friend offered us another dresser a few weeks ago. A little Internet research indicated the dresser was built in the 50's or 60's and in it's time was a decent piece of furniture. I really love the style, especially the tall legs, but the color was horrific at best. We couldn't fathom trading one ugly dresser for another, but our family motto is, "If it's free, it's for me," so we took it. And I decided to get to work refinishing it. G told me I have too many projects in the works and then he gave me a deadline because it was taking up precious space in his garage. I got to work right away.

This photo does not do the ghastly color justice. It was bad.

I sanded the entire thing, stained it, sanded it some more, stained it a few more coats, covered it in varnish, and more varnish. Then G installed some new hardware and voila, the project was done. And only a few weeks longer than G's original deadline.

The finished product!

Stay tuned for more pictures of the dresser in it's new home. (Imagine the brown dresser against a blue wall.) Next project: painting our room. If the stars align, I might start tomorrow!

Projects-Leaves

Buddy has been enjoying doing his homework every night. A few minutes of reading or handwriting or different math games. But this past week the homework was particularly exciting. His teacher was inspired by a book called "Look What I Did With a Leaf!" She had the children collect leaves and create a creature out of the dried leaves. I'm sure Buddy is the first child in the history of time to create a praying mantis out of leaves. But thanks to some help from his clever father, he came up with a really cool piece of art. Looks like daddy just signed himself up for all science or art homework duty from now on. I could never have created anything so cool. I had a hard time letting Buddy take the finished product to school because I loved it so much.

Buddy had so much fun and had enough leftover leaves, so he decided to create another project the next day. He created this dragon all on his own with his leftover leaves. He is very creative and I was especially impressed that he used oak leaf stems as the teeth. I love it!

Projects-Getting Well and Climbing Out

I put Sambo down for a nap in his crib. This is how I found Sambo this afternoon after the nap.

My projects and project-posting got derailed last week. Last week I started feeling a little under the weather on Monday morning. I went about my week mostly like normal and was able to keep up with most of my tasks. I even made headway on one project in particular (more on that in a few days). I was definitely hanging in there. By Wednesday night I was sure I was well. By Thursday evening I was sick as a dog again and things went downhill each day after that. Unfortunately I had a very full weekend and by Sunday night I had completely lost my voice and was so sick I was thinking the swine flu would be better than whatever I had.

But that's all beside my point. The main point is, I've been working hard to keep my youngest son IN.HIS.CRIB. That's my latest project and mission in life. I can tell he's almost two years old because he's been so busy getting into things -- and out of things -- lately that if Buddy hadn't come before and paved the way, I'd think Sambo was totally out of control.

(But since Buddy came first, there is nothing Sambo could do that would shock me or wear me out at this point.)

So the saga all started about two months ago when Sambo first climbed out of his crib. He's extremely agile and has always been a climber, so I wasn't at all surprised when it happened. He was 20 months at the time. He was supposedly taking a nap. I heard a big plop. I went upstairs to find him sitting on the floor. As soon as he saw me, he started crying and put his arms out for me to comfort him. Those of you who know his personality know that he has the saddest cry anyone has ever seen. He cries with the biggest crocodile tears that just pour out of his big brown eyes and pouts his lip like no child I've ever met. It's impossible not to feel badly for him. Which is precisely why he always gets his way. Anyway, he pulled that on me, but I wanted to be clear we DO NOT climb out of the crib so I spoke sternly/yelled at him, and plopped him back in his crib. I turned around and walked out of his room and closed the door behind me.

Another thing you should know is that Sambo hates getting in trouble. He's generally an extremely obedient child (bless him for that). So when I walked out of the room when he was already crying, he started to cry so hard I thought he was going to pass out. He was so sad and since he's spoiled, I just couldn't stand to let him cry like that. So I went back to his room and explained that we don't ever climb out of the crib.

I figured he understood and got the point and for two months never did it again. Yay!

So Saturday night we had a little childfree get-together with some college friends. I told the babysitter my kids are extremely easy to put to bed and I warned Buddy of the consequences of taking advantage of her.

Around 10:30 (right as we were leaving) the babysitter called and frantically said she'd been trying to put Sambo to bed for two hours and he refused. I was totally confused by this because there are plenty of times that he naps too long so then he fools around in his crib at bedtime, but he has never cried and certainly doesn't "refuse." I told her to close the door and walk out and totally ignore him. "You want me ignore him? Buddy can't sleep with all the commotion." she said. "Yes, if you keep going in there he'll never go to sleep. And tell Buddy this is too bad and this is just how it goes when you share a room with your brother," I replied.

I left the party super annoyed with the situation in general. I was annoyed that Buddy wasn't being more mature and was letting his brother get to him. And I was especially annoyed that the babysitter was letting both kids walk all over her.

When I got home I apologized to the babysitter and told her that Buddy would have consequences for contributing to the problem. She begged me not to punish him "because he was actually quite helpful and had nothing to do with this situation." The boys had just fallen asleep, she said.

So the next morning I got ready for church and wandered down the hall to get the kids up. All was quiet in their room and I thought, "It just figures they always sleep in on Sundays when we have to be up early." But when I opened their door, they were both sitting in the dark in Buddy's bed under the covers reading books.

"How in the world did your brother get in your bed?"

"Boy do I have a story for you, mom," Buddy said. "When the babysitter was here last night Sambo climbed out of his bed about 700 times. He kept getting out of his crib and coming into my bed. I was going to sleep and he' kept doing it and every time he'd get in my bed it would wake me up. And when he woke up this morning he climbed out of bed and came and woke me up. He wanted to read books with me."

I felt so bad that I had assume Buddy was the problem. And I felt so bad that I had gotten annoyed with the babysitter. And I felt bad that the babysitter never explained the true problem to me the night before. And I felt so bad that we spoil Sambo so much he thinks he can pull stunts like this.

But trust me, that's not nearly as bad as I felt when I realized this is our new normal. Putting Sambo back in his crib repeatedly every night. And hearing the pitter patter of little feet bright and early every morning.

I've blogged several times before how the boys both BEG to sleep together in Buddy's bed every night. We've tried it, and Sambo isn't nearly mature enough to succeed. Trust me. Even Buddy is changing his mind about that idea. So Sambo must stay in his crib.

And I know they sell crib tents and we are certainly looking into them. I think that's our only option at this point.

Projects-Adoption Conference

I have mentioned a time or two on here that I am on a small committee planning a really exciting regional adoption conference. The conference is November 6-7 and is sponsored by a support group called Families Supporting Adoption, which is sponsored by LDS Family Services.

It's coming up in a few short weeks so while I've been working hard on it almost every day for the past six months, we're down to crunch time now. Besides doing planning the logistics, I've been in charge of the food/catering for the entire weekend and the speakers -- which entails choosing speakers, planning times for breakout sessions, keeping in contact with speakers, collecting biographies on all speakers, etc. I've also booked hotels for out of town speakers not to mention attending hours and hours of planning meetings.

More than one person (including my semi-supportive husband) has asked me why I do this. It's totally volunteer and I already volunteer plenty for the church. Besides planning this conference, I've planned a couple other smaller ones this year, helped organize a family BBQ, hosted a couples game night, put together gift baskets for birth mothers, tested a new website for the agency's headquarters in SLC, etc all this year.

I've given 'why I do it' some serious though lately. And I've decided there are several reasons.

I do it because I love and am passionate about adoption. Of the unwed women who become pregnant, 50% will abort their babies. And less than one percent will place their babies for adoption. I have tons of close friends who are waiting to adopt. One dear friend in particular has been waiting for years to adopt her second child. It's heartbreaking to be in that situation -- trust me I know. And if I dare say it, it's almost worse to see someone else suffer like that too. If I can be an advocate for adoption and encourage even one woman to place her baby, than all this will be worth it.

I do it because we would like to adopt again, and I hope that rubbing shoulders with the staff at the agency will help.

I do it because I hope that my friendships and associations with wonderful birth parents will not only help us to find another baby, but to learn everything possible to help us navigate the emotionally complicated world of adoption. Both now while we are in the adoption trenches, and later when our children have their questions and concerns.

I do it because I've met some terrific friends that share similar lives to mine. I am very lucky that everyone in my life that loves me also loves adoption and supports us wholeheartedly. But there is something so special about adoption and birth mothers and the highs and lows along that way that only a fellow adoptive parent can truly understand. I love spending time with those friends.

I do it because I want my children to know other adopted children.

I do it because somebody asked me to and I can't say no.

I do it because I genuinely like to volunteer and so I might as well volunteer doing something exciting and with people I enjoy.

With all that said, please spread the word about our upcoming conference!

"Families by Divine Design" is the theme for this Regional Conference, which will have information to help families interested in adopting, families that have already adopted and are seeking insights to their children's growth and development, extended families of couples who are involved in adoption, and birth families of adopted children.

Friday, November 6th
and
Saturday, November 7th, 2009

The conference fee is $25.00 per attendee, $35.00 per couple.
There is no fee for birth parents to attend.

Check out some of our great and exciting presenters!

Elder Marvin Brinkerhoff- Area Seventy
General Session Speaker
Topic: Adoption: A Principle of the Gospel
What is the doctrinal and spiritual foundation of adoption? Understand the role the temple and family sealing play in adoption, and how gospel understanding can bring peace to the adoption process.

Lindsey Redfern- Adoptive Mother and Adoption Advocate

Author of this blog:



General Session & Breakout Session Speaker
Topics: The Divine Design of My Adoptive Experience, and Adoption Advocacy

Katie Shelley- Featured Birth Mother on LDS Family Services Website ItsAboutLove.org
General Session and Breakout Session Speaker
Topics: The Divine Design of My Adoptive Experience, and the Birth Parent Panel

Troy Dunn- Host of the television program, "The Locator"
Broadcast of his Keynote Presentation at the National FSA conference.
Troy Dunn, who has become known as "The Locator" from hosting a television show that reunites loved ones, will speak of the lessons he has learned while working in his profession- specifically about adoption. He says that reunions between birth parents and children usually help the adoptees leave with a greater appreciation for their parents who raised them and a better understanding of the incredible sacrifice a birth mother made.

Monica Blume- LCSW and Co-author of this book:

Plus many more speakers and topics!

Don't miss out!!
Go to this website to register or to get more information about the conference:
https://www.123signup.com/event?id=jmdhy

Projects-The Most Important Part of the House (By G)

When we were considering buying our second house, I only had one requirement: I wanted a 3 car garage. Luckily, the house that we bought met that requirement. In our first home, we had a fair amount of storage. The attic was large enough for most anything we wanted to store. Even though the house we are in now is bigger, storage was an issue. Besides the storage, I also wanted a workbench and a place for all of my tools.

Last April my parents came up to visit and my dad and I planned out what we wanted to do and began work. The interesting thing is that my dad can build anything. He is a problem-solver and can find creative solutions to most anything. He has taught himself all of these skills and most people are impressed at his ability to get projects done. He is also a perfectionist, so the completed projects are just about perfect. For whatever reason, I possess none of these skills. I even had trouble using the tape measure. I guess that's why I went to law school instead of learning a trade. I have the tools I need to do most anything, but no practical skill.

After a little planning, we took a trip down to the Home Depot to gather supplies. About an hour or so later, we were ready to go. We spent the next 3 and a half days working from morning until late evening building shelves in the small bay of my garage. We built what amounted to 9 cabinets, including a workbench. By the time my parents left, we had everything built and the doors cut and routed. I was left with instructions to paint everything so that when they came to visit again, we could hang the doors and finish the project.


We decided to match the paint color with the existing color of the garage. I filled nail holes, sanded, primed, and painted. This took a lot longer than I had anticipated and I spent a number of evenings in the garage working on it. I was able to get everything done about a week before my parents came back to visit in July. Then we hung the doors and completed the project. The only thing left to do is to get some handles. I now have more than enough storage in the garage and was able to put away a lot of things we had on the garage floor. I now feel at home in the garage. Thanks, dad.