Mother Dear, I Love You So

Warning: This is another melodramatic post from me. So, if you prefer G's snide remarks, you might want to skip this one.

This is my fourth Mother's Day. On one hand it feels completely surreal. I'm a mom? When did that happen? On the other hand, I feel overwhelmed and grateful that I'm a mom to a terrific and adorable little boy. I thought about this and planned for this period of my life for a long time and it is so much happier and better than I could have ever imagined. Honestly and truly, I love being a mom. I hate that people are ashamed to be 'just a mom.' I love it and am proud of what I am and how I spend my days. I enjoyed college and my days of working full-time. I kept myself more than busy during then, but this period of life is much more fulfilling. I am thankful too that I can choose to work or not work-- and I happily choose to spend my time with Buddy, often doing what he likes to do. I know that's not often an option for mothers, so for me, I feel fortunate.

If I had a third hand, I'd say that this day still stings a bit too. I was never one of those infertile ladies that refused baby showers and avoided Mother's Day -- but I can completely understand those that do. I guess my 'motherly nature' makes me so sad for the many, many women who grieve on this day. Those who are childless, those who have lost a child or have suffered miscarriages, those who want more children but are waiting for the Lord's mercy, or those whose children have made poor and painful decisions. And then there are the people who have lost their mother or those who don't have a nurturing mother. It's a tough day for a lot of people, and I've had a splitting headache all day -- I think from the emotional roller coaster that is Mother's Day.

I told you this would be melodramatic.

Last year they asked me to speak in church on Mother's Day. Truthfully, it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. It was honor to speak on the topic, but it was hard. Especially hard because a good friend in the ward miscarried twins conceived through IVF two days before. She wasn't at church, obviously, but it was hard to go on and on about how wonderful it was to be a mother when I know it's sometimes not. At the time we were right in the middle of a frustrating and complicated adoption situation. We had email contact for a couple of months with a birth mother who for very good reasons chose another family. It was one of those experiences where we just 'felt' like the situation was right and the baby was meant for our family, but it wasn't. It was devastating. Needless to say, I cried and cried through the talk -- mostly tears of joy, though, at the great little gift -- my Buddy -- that I did have.

Church this year was a bit better. Since Buddy is a Sunbeam, he got to perform two songs for me as part of the Primary musical number. He loves an audience, so of course, he did great. When the kids were done, he hesitated a bit and just kept standing there until he was one of the last kids on the stand. Obviously the didn't want the performance to be over. And then when he joined us again in the seats, I told him I loved it and I could hear him singing. He said, "I didn't get to sing in the microphone!" Poor kid can't wait to say something into the microphone. He gives his first talk in Primary in two weeks and we are ecstatic. Even if he wasn't my boy, I'd say he was the cutest little child up there today.