Tuesday, July 22, 2008

All Creatures Great and Small

I hate critters. Detest them. I'm scared to death of any and all rodents, reptiles, wild animals, etc. I'd rather have a spider crawl all over me then to run into the creatures I just listed. But I hate them too. I have a mouse radar that I got from Ho.me Depot that supposedly keeps mice out of the house. I hope it's working! I must be some kind of monster because I don't like pets either. I am totally incapable of loving an animal. (Don't worry, I'm not cruel to animals -- I just don't have tender feelings for them.) Yeah, the zoo is cool, but that's about it.

I must have sent out some really bad karma because in the last week:
  • I saw a deer walk past our back gate the other night while I was feeding Pee-Wee. It was really cool, so we rushed and got Buddy out of bed so he could see it. The deer quickly wandered into the wheat field right behind our house, so we could only see the tops of his ears as he walked further and further into the field. That was pretty cool. It gets much, much worse, though.
  • We have tree frogs all over the yard and periodically they come into our house. (I've been known to call G home from work on a couple occasions to remove one from the house.) So while we were looking at the deer, a frog hopped right into our family room. Thankfully I saw it happen, so G was able to capture it quickly.
  • Buddy has seen field mice all over the yard in the past few days -- one of which was right by the back door. And then I saw one in the shed. Thank heavens for my mouse detector. I swear if one comes in our house, this house is going on the market immediately.
  • Then on Saturday we came home from a day at our town's annual festival. Immediately upon walking into the house, Buddy noticed a bird in our fireplace. Now, I don't know how on earth he got in there, but the fireplace is gas, so he was flapping all around stirring up all sorts of dust and making the pilot light go out of control. I about lost it. G was out of town and as we all have learned, I'm petrified of animals. So about 30 unanswered calls to his cell phone later, I was really in a panic. So I called our friend Jesse, who came over and somehow removed the glass from the fireplace. I had to help him hold a sheet to capture the bird. Thank heavens that worked and he was able to release it outside. It took me hours to come down off of that adrenaline rush. Still disturbs me out thinking about it.
  • So then yesterday we were at the pool at our gym. You know, the high-end one I wrote about a few days ago? And all of a sudden I see a RAT poking around some lawn chairs. I had seen a guy walking around with a cage a few minutes before -- so I knew this wasn't the first time that rat had been seen around there. Apparently it wasn't a wild rat, but a lost or abandoned "pet." At least that's what the lifeguards were saying. But honestly, a rat is a rat. And it freaked me the hell out.
  • So then today Buddy informs me there's a mole hill in the backyard. I wasn't surprised with all the other wild animals that have been hanging out back there.
  • Just a few minutes ago I went outside to pick some lettuce for dinner. And while I was stepping over the mole hill, being careful not to step on any moles if they happened to pop up right then, I saw a SNAKE slithering away. I am TERRIFIED of snakes. I've seen them several other times in the yard and it really is upsetting.

Our house backs right up to a field, the Tualatin River is at the end of our street, and we live a half mile from a national wildlife refuge, so I guess a few animals here and there are to be expected. But honestly, I can't handle this. This has gotten totally out of control. I think I'm ready to pack up and move to a condo in the city. Deep breaths...


Yin said...

NOT A CONDO! This post is hilarious. I don't share your fear of critters (as my pet cat probably looks just like the rat you saw at the pool). However, I do hate spiders and bugs. So, we have had an interesting slug problem lately. Yes, slugs. They can somehow crawl under the door into our laundry room. A few times a month I will find a HUGE bananna slug crawling across my floor. Ugh.

crazymamma said...

hahahaha i am still laughing from saturdays phone call!! I heard that panic in your voice and i thought there must of been a burgler or break in or something...but nope..the only intruder was a small little wild bird!! good thing jesse was at the rescue! hahahahahaha...then when we were all swimming.. watching you hyperventilate with that rat!! hahahaha... man i love you to death! Good times..good times....i think we will laugh at the bird story for years to come:)

Myndi said...

We have raccoons that eat our garden. Thing is, L has been trying to catch them for months. Until just a few days ago all he kept catching were neighborhood cats! It was so funny to see him go out at night with some sort of strange scrap food thinking that this time would be different.. that he had found something only raccoons would eat (one time chocolate cake) just to be disappointed the next morning after leaping out of bed and racing to check his various traps just to find another cat. The other day he did catch a raccoon, finally. His count is 10 cats, 1 raccoon, however.

Myndi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chelle said...

That is so crazy! I"m not a fan of rodents either, but living out in the country it was a part of life growing up.

I love your panicked call to the friend, it's always nice to have someone to call in those moments.

Nicki said...

The rat was certainly a fun way to end the swimming, that's for sure. I just tagged you on my blog so get on it :)