Me: It's time to go to the doctor. Go to the bathroom and put your shoes on. Make sure you put some socks on too, since I don't want to get turned into DHS for taking you to see the pediatrician without socks on.
Buddy: Will you get turned into DHS if I'm not wearing underwear again?
Me: (shocked voice) What in the world? You aren't wearing underwear?
Buddy: No I'm not.
Me: Why not? And you didn't wear underwear yesterday?
Buddy: No I didn't.
Me: Yes, I will get turned into DHS if I take you to the pediatrician without underwear.
* * *
Also, Buddy came downstairs the other day after a bath fully dressed, but sopping wet. His hair was dripping water and his shirt was so wet, he looked sweaty. I asked if he had dried off and he said no. I was totally confused so I asked why not. In a huff, he said, grizzly bears don't dry off. They just climb out of the water and walk away. I check his towel later and it was totally dry. This has happened two other times since and so now I have to monitor him after his bath and it's like pulling teeth to get him to dry off. And I wouldn't worry too much except it's been pretty cold and it takes his hair like two hours to dry if he doesn't towel dry it. Plus he has bad hives and I'm worried that his hives will turn to athlete's foot if he doesn't dry his skin off. I know it's asking a lot, but sheesh.