Forever Young the Giant

Last weekend G and I went to a Young the Giant concert. It was pretty enjoyable, especially since we got tickets for $5 each (and no fees) and we used a Groupon for dinner. So it was a relatively cheap date (besides paying the babysitter, which would be a topic for another time, although this babysitter was actually really good this time.)

The best part of the night, though, was watching a man who hung out next to us the entire time.  He was there with his daughter.  It was an "all ages" show, so a few people had their tween children with them.  But this guy brought his 7-ish-year old daughter to the show.  She had earplugs and everything and was clean and adorably dressed in her ruffled denim skirt, colorful striped tights, pink hoodie and ponytail.  She was extraordinarily well-behaved.  She never left her dad's side.  And she complained far less than I did.  (Hey, my plantar fasciatis hurts when standing in one place!)  The concert was three hours and ended at midnight and she never got even close to cranky.

Apparently fathers come in all shapes and sizes because he was NASTY.  He smelled outrageous.  Seriously, the worst BO every time he lifted his arms.  His shirt said, "The Scourge of America is Upon You."  What does that even mean?  He had acne worse than any teenager I've ever seen and his hair.  Oh mercy, his hair.  I know the picture above isn't he best (we had to be sly when sneaking a shot), but notice the long nappy hair hanging down between his arms.  It was greasy and frizzy and just foul.  Yet, besides taking a small child to a rock concert, and allowing a stranger (a woman) to hold his daughter on her shoulders during the entire Young the Giant performance... he seemed like a fairly attentive father.  We followed them out of the concert and they were greeted outside by a woman who was clearly the mother of the girl. 

So odd.  If I had been more friendly I definitely would have struck up conversation with the little girl.  Because I was and still am dying to know their story.

Family Lego Night

Before very recently I had never put together those fancy lego sets.  G grew up a lego fan and even now has probably 10 sets from his childhood tucked away.  Turns out I really like building legos too.  I have absolutely no creativity, so I'm not any good at making up my own creations, much to the disappointment of my children.  But I'm amazingly talented at following the directions.  (We all have our talents...)  That realization began a new family tradition called "Family Lego Night." 

This is how it works:  The boys each pick out a lego set and G and I work one-on-one with a boy to build the set.  We all sit together in the family room, listen to music, and work on our legos.  G and I try to help, but the boys mostly like us to take a supportive role, especially Buddy.  Although even Sambo is amazingly good at doing legos.  He doesn't know how to follow along the directions (since he doesn't know his numbers), but if I pull a lego brick out of the pile, he can look at the picture and figure out where it goes with surprising little direction.  It's as fun as it sounds!  We all absolutely love it!  Two Family Lego Nights down in the past few weeks -- and we expect plenty more.

Best Valentine's Day Ever (by G)

Valentine's Day is an interesting holiday. If you're single, then it accentuates the fact that you are single. If you are in a relationship, then there is an obligation to do something or buy something, etc. Normally, I enjoy the holiday and M and I have some traditions that we have made over the years, like getting pizza, strawberries to be dipped in chocolate, and hang out together. This year, however, M kicked it up to a whole new level, so instead of just enjoying the holiday, I think it was the best one ever.

A few weeks ago, M went over to a friend's house who she normally doesn't hang out with. I didn't really think much of it and when I asked her about it, she said that I would find out about it later. The next day, February 1st, I awoke to a valentine. The valentine said that I would be receiving a valentine every day through Valentine's Day. I thought this was really clever. I came to really enjoy getting each valentine and anticipated it throughout the day. All of the valentines were unique in their own way and all were really clever. As it turned out, when M went over to the friend's house, there were 13 other women there and each one did a valentine for a particular day and then they exchanged them. M's, incidentally, was a 2 liter of Crush soda with a note that said, "I have a Crush on you." Saturday night, we had a dinner with most of the couples whose wives participated. It was a lot of fun and the group was definitely hand-selected and included some of our favorite friends.

Tonight I got the last valentine and an additional surprise. M had made a music collage of different pictures of us throughout the years. This probably won't be funny to anyone else, but the first song in the collage was an Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt duet of "I Don't Know Much." Needless to say we were dying of laughter. We heard it flipping through the radio stations a few days ago and thought it was funny then and now it's even funnier with our pictures. I'm still laughing.

I am a little disappointed that it's over but one thing I can say is that I have the best wife in the world. The mere fact that she would take the time to express her love for me in so many different ways just makes me love her more and more. I sometimes feel sorry for her that she has to put up with a house full of boys and all of our obnoxiousness, smelly, messy, and crazy behavior. One thing I know without a doubt is that we could not survive without her. M is the best thing to have ever happened to me and I feel extremely fortunate and blessed to have married her. Happy Valentine's Day, Sugar!

Up to No Good

Buddy lost his first tooth... finally.  He had a dentist appointment three weeks ago and he predicted he'd lose it around Valentine's day. And he did!  He looks really cute, but I wish he'd stop growing up.

During the sacrament yesterday Buddy leaned over and whispered, "Would it be OK if I pointed my middle finger at Satan?"

I had to give that some serious thought.  Eventually I suggested he focus on doing good rather than being mean.

I had a profound insight yesterday.  Sambo is super sweet.  I don't know how to explain it other than to say everything he does is precious and darling.  But sometimes he reveals a side of himself that is so not sweet.  His temper tantrums and bad moods swing so far away from sweet, it's actually really amusing.  However, no matter how foul his mood, he very rarely rattles me.  His personality is the perfect compliment to mine.  It occurred to me yesterday that he's like sour patch kid.  And in case you didn't know, I adore sour patch kids.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Living Among the Hyper

Sunday Buddy was bouncing off the walls (typical Sunday behavior) and jumped off the slide in our living room (yes, we have a 4-foot tall slide in our living room).  He caught himself with his hands, like usual when doing a fancy trick off the slide. This time he immediately cried out in pain.  He normally doesn't cry like that, but he got over it really quickly, so I didn't worry too much.  He complained on and off for a couple days that it really hurt, but he was using it and it wasn't swollen.  Wednesday night he was bouncing off the walls again, and fell again on the same arm.  He cried harder than I've heard him cry in over a year, I'm sure.  When I pulled his arm to get him to turn around later that night, it brought tears to his eyes again.  I started to worry a little, so I made an appointment for him the next day after school.

Turns out it is fractured.  Don't be alarmed, though, it's not that bad.  It's a "greenstick fracture" which just means the bone got bent like a green stick, since his bones are still so soft. So rather than cracking, it's just got a little bend or bow like a green stick does if you bend it.  He has been gloating about being "right" all along and he's loving having this broken bone.  If he's in any pain, he doesn't act like it.  He doesn't even have to have a cast because it's best if it just heals naturally.  He does have a splint to keep it still and to remind him to be careful.

What's really remarkable is that for the three arm injuries he's had (dislocated/nursemaid's elbow, sprained wrist, now this), none have been too big of a deal.  Considering his propensity for climbing trees and his strong desire to jump off the roof, I'm sure this isn't the last time this will happen -- and I probably ought to consider myself fortunate that we've never had anything worse.

The doctor recommended no climbing, jumping, or acting out of control for two weeks.  I literally started laughing when he said that.  He doesn't know my kids very well.

This video was taken on Buddy's second day of school back in September.  Buddy was especially hyper that week between the adjustment of getting up earlier for school and apparently not burning enough energy during the school day.  I thought putting a kids yoga DVD on after dinner would help calm the boys enough to go to bed.  Apparently I don't know my kids very well either.  (This video is a bit long, but i promise you won't be disappointed!)

Urgent Need of Help with Adoption Legislation

(Click to Enlarge)

Many of you have asked what you can do to support our adoption journey this time around.  I have found something you can do!

There are a few anti-adoption bills in the Oregon legislature (as well as other states in the country) right now that obviously concern me.  One in particular, HB 2904, is very serious.  It would make adoptions very difficult in Oregon.  It would require birth parents to wait until the baby is 8 days old to place them for adoption as well as give them 30 days to essentially change their mind.

If you are so inclined, I would love for you to email your Legislator (if you are in Oregon) as well as the chairs of the Human Services committee.  If you are not in Oregon, you can still help by emailing the chairs of the Human Services committee.  Your email can be short and sweet and say something like:

Dear Representative _________,
     My name is ______ and I am a [friend of adoption] or [concerned citizen] or [adoptive grandparent] in the state of Oregon. I want to voice my opposition to House Bill 2904. I believe that [it takes away a birthparent’s right to make plans for the future of their child and it will have a negative impact on adoption here in Oregon.]

   Thank you for your time.
    Sincerely, __________ address, phone

Feel free to write whatever makes sense to you.  I'm also posting the letter I wrote in a separate blog post (scroll down) so you can see why I think this is such a big deal.  The picture at the top of this post is Buddy's letter.  This is a fairly urgent matter, so the sooner the better!

Thank you so very much! 

If you are in Oregon, you can check this website to find your Legislator. 

Chairs for Human Services Committee:
Carolyn Tomei

rep.carolyntomei@state.or.us

Vic Gilliam

rep.vicgilliam@state.or.us

The Horrible Sponsors of the bill:

Margaret Doherty

rep.margaretdoherty@state.or.us

Michael Dembrow

rep.michaeldembrow@state.or.us

A blog written by a birth mother with lots of info about the bill.

Dear Representative:

I am an adoptive mother and am writing you concerning HB 2904.  I am strongly opposed to this bill.  I adopted two little boys as infants (ages 7 and 3 now).  My husband and I are anxious and excited to adopt another baby, and are hopeful that another wonderful birthmother will choose us to the be the parents of her baby.  I love my children, as all parents do.  But when a woman makes a sacrifice as big as my boys’ birth mothers have — so that I can be a mother — I have the added responsibility to protect and defend that sacrifice.  I will do anything to defend my boys’ rights to a safe and stable home.  And because I love, honor, and revere, their birth mothers, I will do anything I can to defend their choices to place their babies for adoption.

I am attaching a letter hand-written by my 7-year old son expressing his genuine feelings about adoption so you can understand his perspective as well.

We have open adoptions with both boys’ birth mothers and would not have it any other way.  We love sharing all the details about our children’s growth and development.  We love hearing how each woman has grown and changed since placing her baby.  But we most cherish visits with each woman, when we can get to know them better and talk to them about their hopes and dreams for their babies.  I will also attach a recent picture of each of my children with their birth mothers.

This bill makes me fear for my future family (because we hope to adopt again) and makes me grateful this law was not in place when my boys were placed for adoption.  This bill would have caused tremendous stress for both birth mothers.

This bill will make it nearly impossible for birth mothers to choose adoption.  The 8-day waiting period before placement concerns me. 

• Who will care for the baby during that time?  Foster care?  The birth mother?  Often if a birth mother is choosing to place a baby for adoption it is because she wants the best life possible for her baby and she is not able to provide that best life.  Requiring her to parent (care for a vulnerable baby) during those critical 8 days will be a burden.  She will have to have a carseat, clothes, formula, a safe place to live, etc.  
• The required 8-day waiting period takes away the birth mother’s choice.  The beauty of adoption is the loving choice she makes for her baby. 
  

The bill would allow birth parents to revoke their consent during the first 30 days. 

• Placing a child for adoption is the most heart-wrenching thing a person can do.  It always involves grief and heartache.  Birth mothers say those first 30 days are unbearable.  But time, and for most birth parents, having contact with the adoptive parents through email, heals that deep sorrow.  Having the option to “change your mind” is not a good solution to healing that heartache.  It encourages birth mothers to “try” adoption, knowing they have the option to change their mind and parent their baby if the healing process is hard.  Anyone that has placed a baby will admit that the healing process will be hard.  Proper counseling by a skilled adoption caseworker or attorney before and after placement will help.  And of course, time helps too.  
• Revoked and contested adoptions do not have the child’s best interest in mind.  It puts the birth family against the adoptive family.  It would not be easy for a baby to spend 8 days bonding with his birth mother, spend time bonding with the adoptive parents, then be removed from his home and put back with his birth mother.  No matter how a birth mother is grieving, that is not healthy for a child. 
  

The birth mothers who are supporting this Bill placed many years ago (in the 50’s and 60’s) when adoption “culture” was different.  The reality of adoption now in Oregon (and the rest of the country) is actually very different from what they are expressing.  Open adoption, where birth mothers have open communication with the adoptive family, is the norm now.  Babies are never “snatched” out of their arms of the birth mothers.  And adopted children grow up happy and well-adjusted, just like children born and raised the more traditional way.

I appreciate your support and your attention to my concerns.

Worst-Good-Better-Best (Updated)

Worst

Our little friend, Liam (age 6), is getting an MRI today to show how quickly his brain cancer is spreading.  This MRI will determine his next treatment plan.  He has already had three brain surgeries and one 6-week round of radiation.  Those didn't work.  Chemo is not a good option, but it might be the only option left.  Besides a miracle, of course.  And we know miracles do happen.  Please pray for him and his remarkable family.  His mom has been one of my closest friends for a few years and it's really hard to watch this situation unfold.  However, I've never met a family with more faith and hope.  I have noticed that tragedies bring out the best or worst of people.  This family was good to the core before the cancer, and they have become even better through it.  They have shown me what it really means to have hope.  You can read about their entire experience on their blog.  Don't worry, it's not depressing, it's actually extremely inspiring.  You will be so glad you did!

Update:  This item should be moved to VERY Best.  Liam's MRI came up clean.  The third surgery to remove the cancer a few months ago worked.  That third surgery was to remove the cancer that grew in the face of radiation.  At that point the cancer was termed very aggressive.  But it is gone.  The surgery got it all.   A few months ago Liam's dad said they have come to expect miracles in their family.  Go read their blog.  Do it!

Good

I went to my weights class for the first time in SIX months yesterday!  I had been to that class at least once a week for 4 years before I broke my foot, so it's really exciting to be back.  I have been working out the past few months, but nothing kicks me into shape better than that class.  I've lost a lot of muscle, but not as much as I expected.  And I'm sore today (really sore), but not as much as I expected.  I actually wasn't supposed to do that class until my foot felt great and my plantar fasciitis was under control. That was all happening until we went to Seattle this last weekend and my feet have been killing me ever since.  For the rest of my well-being I had to get back to that class and I had set February as a goal when I started physical therapy.  So I went to the class with my feet taped and made sure to go light on my squats.  My feet are sore today.  Maybe if I am vigilant about my PT exercises and taping, I will be OK?  This whole thing has been so frustrating!

Better

I'm in love with Sambo's speech class.  It has done something really remarkable for him.  It's helped his speech, obviously.  But it's interesting how getting some words has really helped his personality develop as well.  Six months ago he couldn't talk in sentences and he was extremely shy.  He was the world's easiest child.  That's all changed!  G and I went to a training yesterday at his little school to learn how to further his progress at home.  First of all, when I dropped him off at his class, his teacher made a comment about how "silly" he acts in circle time and how "independent" he is.  Then during the training she made several other comments about "Sambo this" and "Sambo that."  "When you read books with your children, ask them to 'read' a page of the story.  It gives them control and it encourages them to talk to you.  Sambo would sure enjoy having that control!"  "To encourage your children to talk, pause a lot and let them fill words in.  But Sambo doesn't have a problem getting a word in edgewise and sharing his opinion!"  She didn't do that with any other kids.  Not once.  So apparently we have two precocious children who act silly during circle time, are independent, crave control, talk nonstop, are opinionated, and love to blurt things out.  Cool.

Speaking of speech...  Sambo learned to ask "why."  So adorable.  And now when I ask him why, he says, "I dunno!"  Even cuter.  Seriously. I keep asking him questions he doesn't know the answer to, just so he'll say that. 

Best

When we were in Seattle this last weekend we saw a man begging for money on the corner by the bus station.  His sign said, "Need money for bus home."  Buddy was extremely distressed about that man and talked about him for the rest of the night.  Then he saw the same man walking (without his sign) near our hotel the next day.  Honestly, I didn't even notice the man.  But Buddy is extremely compassionate and started to get really anxious about how we could help him.  Because clearly he didn't get enough money to get "home" if he was still wandering around the streets of Seattle.  We talked about some ways we could help, mostly talking in generalities since at this point we were several blocks away from the man.  And I wasn't willing to take Buddy up on any of his solutions (put Buddy in the hatch of our car so the man could ride in our backseat.)  I talked to him about how and when we give to others, and how we can avoid the same homeless/money-less fate by saving our money, getting a good education, and staying close with our families so they can help if needed.  I told him that we donate fast offerings to help other people who need a little extra help.  It's been a few days now and he has mentioned that man every day since.  This morning he asked me when fast Sunday is, so he can fast for him.

Buddy's birthmom donated a kidney to her sister yesterday.  Her sister has been on dialysis for a couple of years now plus she also lost her hands and legs to sepsis.  It's a really tragic story, but all along the way there have been blessings.  Now culminating in this sacrifice.  Apparently her sister is doing great and the kidney started producing urine even before it was completely implanted.  Buddy's birthmom is doing well but in a lot of pain, which is typical for the donor.  Have you ever met anyone to give their baby to complete strangers and donate a kidney?  Talk about an angel and a hero.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now does it...