Five - Part 2

Today is a significant day for our family. Five years ago at approximately 4:30pm mountain standard time, we were handed a little baby in a white blanket. We were in Idaho Falls with freezing temperatures, wide-eyed, and shocked that a wonderful birth mom would actually trust us to raise this child. More on that in a minute.

On September 12, 2003, we were called in to meet with our adoption caseworker. It had already been an eventful week because I found out a day earlier that I had managed to pass the Oregon State Bar and would be sworn in as an attorney. As we sat nervously around the conference table, our casework informed us that we had been chosen by a birth mother, who was having a baby boy due in December. Over the course of the next few months, we wrote letters, we sent pictures, and we had a face to face visit with our birth mother. As time went on we grew more and more excited. We were buying car seats and strollers and all of the stuff that we were told we needed to have a baby.

We got a call from our caseworker on November 19 that our birth mother may go into labor soon and that we should start making arrangements to meet in Idaho Falls. Buddy was born on November 21 around 8:30am via cesarean section. He was three weeks early and weighed all of 5 pounds 13 ounces. We made arrangements, flew into Salt Lake City and drove to Idaho Falls. We had arranged to stay with a family that my cousin knew because we couldn't afford a hotel. Then on November 25, 2003, we were placed with our oldest son. Because of the laws regarding transporting adopted children across state lines, we were required to notify and have the State of Oregon sign off on allowing us to bring him back to Oregon. This was right before Thanksgiving and we had pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that we would be spending Thanksgiving in Idaho Falls. But by some miracle, all of the paperwork made it through and we were actually able to drive back to Utah to spend Thanksgiving with my family.

Obviously, there are a lot more details that I could go into as well as describing the thoughts and feelings we had. I'm not going to do that now. I can say that so much has changed in the last five years for us. Buddy, as crazy and energetic as he is, has been an absolute joy to be around and try to raise. His love and zest for life is contagious. His sense of humor always brings a smile to everyone around him. His intellect and command of the English language make him a force to be dealt with. His love of music, outdoors, and animals is unparalleled. We can't wait to see where life takes him. Happy Placement Day, Buddy.

Five

Buddy's much anticipated fifth birthday was Friday. I wanted to share a few photos and stories from his party and pay a tribute to my dear firstborn child.

First of all, Buddy believes that every party needs a theme and he'll often ask you "what kind of birthday are you having" if he finds out it's your big day soon. He settled on a shark theme a few weeks ago and we both got started brainstorming. Thank goodness for go.og.le, since I have absolutely no creative juices.

Buddy recommended a shark bite on the invitation, which apparently was a huge hit with the invitees. A few kids were convinced that a shark really did bite the invitation. I have to admit, it was really cool. Buddy really didn't want much for the party except streamers and balloons (because his baby brother loves balloons) and of course he wanted all of his "best friends" as he calls them.

And of course he wanted a shark cake. This was waaaay beyond my abilities as an artist and mother, but since I strongly believe in spoiling a child with time and attention and believe a child's birthday is a really big deal... I couldn't deny him. You might remember my dragon cake last year. At least with the dragon cake, I found a pattern online. This year, I could only find a few pictures to guide and inspire me. No instructions. And without instructions, I'm totally incapable. Me and Buddy carefully studied the pictures and came up with a plan. And if I got overwhelmed, G promised to help. I did the baking/designing/sculpting/finishing touches and G did the frosting. Thank goodness for G because before it was frosted, it strongly resembled a turtle which was not a good thing. Even after it was done it looked much more like a whale shark (without the spots, though, as Buddy noted) than a great white shark. But considering my lack of artistic ability, it was satisfactory. And Buddy was beyond grateful and thanked me multiple times. (In fact during FHE tonight, most of his " Thanksgiving gratitude list" revolved around his party, cake, and streamers.)

The party was very enjoyable and I'm not being facetious. Seven little boys add up to a whole lot of fun, energy, yelling, running, and even a pretty bad odor in the playroom when they were all in there. But I literally could not stop laughing. Here are a few highlights:

* James in full meltdown because he wanted to win a game SO bad. Even though he WAS winning by so much no one would possibly beat him. But he was so afraid of losing he just sat and cried rather than finish the game. He did win, by the way. I love winning too, so I could totally relate.
* When I served the shark cake (made with red velvet cake, by the way), I told the kids to be brave because it might be a little bloody when I cut into it. And then Tyler burst into tears. He refused to eat the cake and later said, "I only like cake if it's humpback whale cake. Not if it's shark cake."
* I made "sea water" out of apple juice and food coloring. Liam refused to drink it -- or even taste it -- and said he doesn't drink sea water, only regular water.
* Connor ate three massive pieces of cake, which was more food than I've ever seen him eat in the years I've known him.
* Noah (not my son- a different one) said, "This is my best birthday I've ever had." Poor kid got confused for a minute and thought it was his birthday. But at least he was having fun!

Buddy's Tribute

Buddy. The great joy of my life. Probably one of the best friends I'll ever have in my whole life. For sure we will aggravate each other forever, but I need him and I hope he always likes me as much as he does now.

Buddy is outgoing when I'm not, energetic when I'm exhausted, patient when I'm losing it, full of faith when I want to give up, and he's everything I ever hoped for in a son. He has developed more talents in his first five years than many people do in an entire lifetime. He is creative, funny, intellectual, kind-hearted, full of optimism, and deeply spiritual. I consider it a privilege that I get to be his mother. When I stop to think about all that went into me being chosen, I am not only humbled, but so very happy.

It's hard to remember sometimes whether he's five or fifteen. But, I wouldn't have him any other way. His energy and persuasiveness will serve him very well in his lifetime. When I think of the people I most admire, they stop at nothing, they enjoy life, they love deeply. That's my Buddy for sure. It'll be my great challenge to direct his abilities toward good things, rather than constantly trying to stop him and discourage him from being who he is. I hope he stays just like he is now. Something tells me he will.

Parenting Advice

I've got all sorts of parenting advice that doesn't work, but in the spirit of giving, I'd like to share a few ideas that do work.

If your child talks incessantly and needs someone new to talk to, give him the home phone AND your cell phone and have him call himself. I've been known to do this and Buddy can talk for a solid thirty minutes to himself. A few cell minutes used, a little mommy patience spared.

If your child has too much energy and you have a lot of work that needs to be done, put a pair of ear muffs onto your child, plug in the shop vac, and let them have at the garage. An impromptu afternoon bath also works pretty well.

If your child wakes up too early in the morning and you go to bed way too late every night and really need some more morning sleep, here's an idea. First, put a dark shade or dark blinds in the child's room so the sun doesn't shine in their face at dawn. Then negotiate a good wake-up time with your child. Get them a digital clock and teach them how to tell time. Make a very large batch of pancakes and put them in the freezer. If the child stays quietly in bed until the appropriate time (8:30 in our house), they get waffles or pancakes for breakfast. This is a win-win situation because the child gets pancakes, which they love, and mommy is energetic and well-rested when she gets up. (Which is a requirement for children as hyper as mine.)

This just might be the most valuable tip of all. If your baby gets the stomach flu and is getting dehydrated because they can't keep anything down, drop a few drops of pedialyte into their mouth with a syringe. Wait ten minutes and if they kept that down, give them a few more drops. Every ten minutes increase the amount you give them until you are giving several ml at a time. You can stop once you've given approximately how much liquid your child eats total in one feeding. So for Sambo, when he was a newborn, I stopped once he got to 3 ounces of pedialyte (that is, I stop when he's had a total of 3 ounces). Now I stop when he gets to 6 ounces. It should take about an hour and you'll have to resume again for another feeding a few hours later. The work involved could prevent an ER trip since babies and small children get dehydrated very easily. Sambo had the flu three times and each time he was sick from anywhere between 7 and 10 days. Trust me, it works!

If your child wants you to buy them something, have them earn the money themselves. This is the very best lesson I learned from my parents and I am passing that lesson onto my children. I think children should understand how money works and should be accustomed to earning and spending and saving their money. When you look around at the state of affairs in this country, obviously a few parents forgot to teach their children about money. And those children have grown up to be terrible stewards of their family and business finances. So, the other week Buddy wanted a particular Halloween costume and I was unwilling to buy him another one. He already has all sorts of dress-up stuff, the one he wanted was expensive, and plus it was really lame. So, to make a very long story short, he decided to earn enough money to buy it himself. When all was said and done, G and I convinced him to wait until after Halloween because the costumes would be a lot cheaper. So he worked like a dog all week and the day after Halloween G took him shopping to find the perfect costume. He ended up choosing this and I think it was a very good choice. It's reversible!

Lastly, if your child stops taking a nap, give them a "quiet time" instead. In our house quiet time is usually in the afternoon while Sambo is napping. But I've been known to do an impromptu quiet time first thing int he morning if I need to get something done or if he's driving me crazy. Quiet time lasts 90 minutes and if he comes out for any reason, quiet time becomes 2 hours. This is the key to my happiness as a mother.

* * *

Now, if any of you wise parents have any advice about handling a smart mouth, please let me know. I have a few techniques and punishments for handling outright disrespect (which aren't really working either), but for today I need help with this type of smart mouth. Buddy has a real habit of using the things I say to him against me. How do I convey that I'm the parent and he's the child and some things aren't appropriate for children to say? Here are a few scenarios. Say your child is talking back. You ask them to talk respectfully and they reply, "I'm in a bad mood. And if someone is in a bad mood you should just ignore them. So just ignore me." Or one day I put him in time out for putting pebbles in our neighbor's air conditioner unit. He was calm the entire time. But when he came out he said, "I'm going to say this with my words. While I was in time out I was thinking I am very upset with you and you are very disrespectful." Or then there's the recent time when he said, "I am mad at you and want to say something to you but I'm not going to because it's too mean."

I mean, I've taught him not to yell or whine and to "use his words" which he obviously does. Except his words just don't sound so nice coming from a small boy. Where's the balance here?

Any advice? Please?

What Do You Want To Talk About?

I've got all sorts of things to blog about, but I just haven't been in the mood lately. Until today.

I considered blogging about my weekend. How I had a primary activity on Friday night where we practiced the primary program and served pizza to somewhere around 130 kids and teachers. Every single teacher showed up and all but five kids in the whole primary came -- and the pizza was totally eaten in about three minutes. That's what I call success and CRAZY! Oh, and I thought about blogging about my all-day adoption conference I was in charge of on Saturday. How over 80 people showed up (way more than I expected) so I had standing room only for the key note address. I was in charge of set up, take down, decorations, food, RSVPs, advertising, coordinating all speakers, mingling, helping ensure new couples feel cozy about adoption, convincing my husband that we need another baby, speaking in one of the workshops, etc. Oh, and then the next day we executed the primary program which was marvelous! It always is, but it felt nice that it was a success since I have an image to maintain, you know. I was so tired after primary was over I literally sat in a primary chair and had to pray for strength to walk to my car.

I considered blogging about how after I came home from church my my dear friend Shauna brought her two boys over to spend the next few days with us. You'd think that after my weekend, plus four boys under the age of five I'd be ready to be institutionalized. But my 48 hours with the boys is over and it was terrific. Yes, there were extra bums to wipe, shoes to put on, carseats to strap, meals to prepare and clean up, and silly jokes to laugh at... but in a way it was easier because I also had less entertaining and listening to do. Yep, I admitted it. Buddy's incessant talking and questions wear me out and drive my batty. For a solid 48 hours he had a couple other little people to talk with. Car rides were especially heavenly. In some sick way, I'm convinced more than ever I need and want more kids. Sorry G.

I considered blogging about how my wonderful spouse not only put up with my crazy weekend, but he put his shoulder to the wheel and did more than I could ever recap for the primary activity and adoption conference. Even though he said he'd rather have a colonoscopy than go to the adoption conference, he came and did all sorts of setting up and cleaning up and serving food. And he even pretended to be interested when a few people tried to shoot the breeze with him. Oh, and my mom not only babysat the boys all day Saturday, but had so many fun activities planned to do with them that my they were both mad at me the rest of the evening because I'm so boring.

I considered blogging about how for ten days straight at least one member of my family had the stomach flu. Bless the power of healing because it all ended in time for my big weekend.

I considered blogging about how G is going out of town tomorrow for the rest of the week. But I begged him to fly home before church on Sunday because there is nothing worse than wrangling a room full of hyper primary children AND my baby at the same time.

I considered blogging about last week's election and all my thoughts, feelings and opinions on that whole subject. I'm a little depressed it's over, actually. (Am I sick?!) I miss the Gordon Smith/Jeff Merkley ads. If Buddy chews with his mouth open these days we tell him to stop eating like Jeff Merkley (inside joke that only Oregonians will enjoy...). I didn't vote for Obama, but I'm not terribly disappointed. I've laid awake at night thinking about the election results and really I'm quite impressed by the way he inspires so many people. We always say we "wish there was someone with integrity running for president" and this year we had two men with a great deal of integrity and patriotism. I will pray that he can keep the level of hope strong so that the young people and really anyone who voted for the first time will not be disheartened when the state of the union doesn't change as rapidly as they thought (and he promised) it would. I'm mostly worried about the economy and just find it so strange that most people trust Obama with the financial crisis. I'll save my rant about that for another time, but clearly the majority of Americans disagree with me about basic economics. There is no way that "redistributing wealth" and funding all of his programs will work. No way. And after a conversation with my very smart accountant at the adoption conference on Saturday, apparently most of Americans disagree with him too.

And then I thought about blogging about how my baby gave me two kisses a couple of weeks ago but refuses to do it again. BUT! He does hold my cell phone to his ear all day. Is that funny, or pathetic?

But instead of going on and on, I'll attach two pictures of the cutest faces I've ever seen in my entire life.

Blast from the Past

A while ago, my mother got a recordable DVD player. We had asked her to transfer some of our old VHS videos onto DVDs. One particular tape I had was full of videos that I shot with my cousin. We were teenagers and it was fun to make up things to film. We thought we were super funny and creative.

A couple of nights ago, M and I were sitting on the couch and I decided to pull out the DVD. I had remembered laughing hysterically at some of our fake commercials and our three-part series about a banana named Mr. Bananahead. As the DVD was playing, M could not stop laughing. She wasn't laughing at the content of the videos, she was laughing at me. She kept saying things like "well, it's a good thing we didn't meet when we were teenagers" and "did your friends really think you were cool?" Long story short, I ended up fast-forwarding through most of it and vowed that next time I decide to watch old videos, I will either view it by myself or with my cousin. There was only one word to describe it: AWKWARD.

Halloween Recap

Here are a few highlights from Halloween at the G & M household.

• There's nothing like keeping the Halloween munchies at bay like a case of the stomach flu. A mild case for M and a nasty case for Sambo.

• Several costume ideas later, several hours of hard work for Buddy to earn money for a new costume, major negotiating to convince him he should wear the costume he already had and to save his money for a new discounted costume after Halloween, we finally persuade Buddy he should be Captain Jack Sparrow. But only after supreme-court worthy arguing from all parties involved and promises of really cool face paint if he'd wear the dang costume.

• G takes it upon himself to do a marvelous make-up job. Our neighbors are still talking about how cool Buddy looked! It's interesting that parenting brings out all sorts of unknown talents. (It turns out G is really good at drawing dragons and crocodiles as well.)
• G and Buddy have dinner and do some trick-or-treating with friends.

• M passes out candy at our house while trying to snuggle with Sambo on the couch and cleaning up approximately three rounds of vomit from the baby.
• A quick photoshoot with Sambo's dragon costume, just so the costume Buddy and I lovingly chose for him last year before he was even born could be put to sort-of good use.
• Buddy and G return to the house and do a bit of trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. Buddy is very excited to see all of the neighbors and tries to let himself into pretty much everyone's house.
  

• Grandma Debi comes over and ends up taking Buddy home with her to spend the night in order to save everyone's sanity.