Our Hope to Adopt!

photo by www. jewel-images.com

We have had a BIG announcement in the works for a few months now. 


We have recently been approved to adopt our third child.  This is very exciting for us because it means we are certified and have completed all the necessary paperwork, background checks and interviews to become adoptive parents again.  But it also means that it’s time to do everything we can to find our next baby.  We have had several spiritual experiences in the last two months since we’ve been approved that have helped us see that we are being prepared for another adoption.

We are working with LDS Family Services, as we have the first two times.  And while the agency does a lot to help us and support us, we feel very strongly that this time we need to be “anxiously engaged” in finding our baby through our own networking.  We have a feeling that our friends will play a role in helping us accomplish this goal.  Adopting a third time is really exciting for us and we encourage you to ask us questions and feel welcome to look at our online profiles and send them to anyone you think might be interested in seeing them.


Just this week a family in Arizona that promotes adoption has featured our family on their blog and other websites they are apart of.  We were very flattered that they waned to help us as well.  We think this is important for several reasons.  First is spreads the spirit of adoption and reminds people that adoption is a blessing and a principle of the gospel.  Second, it shows the Lord we are doing what we can.  And third, your promoting our adoption helps us — it’s as  simple as that!  

We hope you feel welcome to use the following links, the "Hope to Adopt" button on our blog, or any of our information as you wish.

To find out more, please visit our LDS Family Services profile.

Or our family’s adoption blog.

Merry Christmas and thank you so much for your help and support!  We appreciate it!
 

Honored

When Buddy was about four weeks old the adoption agency called us and said they had a package for us. This happened quite regularly because in "those days" they didn't allow fully open adoptions, so we had to send all letters, pictures, and gifts to the agency first. They would open them and read them, then they'd forward them on to the recipient. We wrote to his birth mom every other week and she always wrote back, so there was a steady stream of letters going back and forth. The pit stop at the agency was extremely annoying to G and I. His birth mom never complained because I think she was just so grateful to hear from us.  We now realize how frustrating it was to her too.  Life with a newborn clips along quickly, so by the time she received our detailed accounting of his life, a couple weeks had passed and it was all old news. Not to mention, we were on pins and needles waiting to hear from her to make sure she was OK and that she was finding a little joy in the life that had just completely been turned upside down. Nothing was the same for her. After her delivery she moved to another state to live with her parents. She lost all her friends and her job, and she was doing all of that with empty and achy arms. The one little person that brought joy to her heart and had given her hope in the worst of situations was now the greatest joy of our lives.

We were heartbroken for her. And so each week we were anxious to hear how she was doing.

It was a few days before Christmas. We were living in an apartment and looking for a house and we were pretty sure we had just found a perfect one. I was trying to wrap things up at my job and I was taking my newborn baby into the office some days and driving him to my mom's house some days.  We had no tree because we were hoping to move soon.  We had newborn baby gear and boxes all over the apartment.  And we were exhausted, of course. 

When I got home from work on this particular day, I eagerly opened the package that the agency had forwarded onto us. Inside was a picture frame (which now holds our first family photo -- taken there in the agency conference room minutes after she placed him with us), a gorgeous scrapbook she had made for us of her pregnancy and her five days with him, and her detailed journal of everything she did and thought and felt while she spent her time with him. If I remember correctly, it was about 11 pages long. I remember reading it and weeping at the depth of love she had felt for her baby. And the depth of grief she was experiencing at his loss. It seemed incomprehensible that someone could be so strong in the face of such a trial, but she was optimistic about her life and his. And selfishly, that gave me comfort.  I just treasured her journal, knowing it would be so wonderful for him to read someday.

We continued to write letters for a few more months and then after the adoption was finalized (Buddy was 8 months old), we asked her for her email address. We figured the agency couldn't dictate our actions at that point, so on the day of Buddy's blessing, we sent her our first email. My email address includes my full name, and we attached a transcript of his blessing, which also included his full name. This was all a big deal because we were treading into "open" adoption and we didn't have anyone telling us this was OK.

Not too much later, we asked our caseworker if it was acceptable to have a post-placement visit with Buddy's birth mother. We had never known anyone to do this, but he said the agency was slowly becoming more open to openness and he encouraged us to do whatever we felt was right. To be honest, it seemed awkward NOT to see her again. But we didn't know how to bring it up with her. Several more months passed and one day she told us that sometime when we were in Utah visiting family that she would love to see us. Interestingly enough, we had a trip planned to Utah soon, so we made arrangements to meet at her house for an afternoon BBQ. Buddy was 17 months. We figured it might be "hard" or "awkward" to be there in her parent's home. Keep in mind, we didn't know anyone else who had done anything like this.  She has since told us it was hard, but we had a fantastic time and felt so comfortable spending the afternoon with them. Finally well past Buddy's bedtime, we drug ourselves from her home and left.  We worried we were being selfish and hurting her more than was needful.  But in our hearts, we knew that what we were doing was right.

We had another visit on my 30th birthday. Buddy had just turned three. And then we had another visit when Buddy was almost four. Both of those visits came at extremely critical times in our adoption journey to find Sambo.  I think I've blogged of them before.

G and I started getting the itch to hang out again over a year ago, so we invited her and her new husband to come visit us. She was newly pregnant and not feeling so great, so they declined. But let me just tell you, we were so thrilled about her pregnancy, so we totally understood.  And we understood her need to hold her family close and enjoy at least that pregnancy without involving us too much.

A few months ago we got an email from her husband. He has always been extremely supportive of us and from the first time he met Buddy (2 years ago), he sincerely loved him. He is a genuine guy, so when he asked if they could come visit sometime -- anytime -- as a surprise for her 30th birthday, we started making arrangements right away. We suggested they come for her birthday, which was also Thanksgiving week.

The days leading up to the visit were filled with anxiety and stress for all of us. We all supported this visit, but an afternoon BBQ is one thing. Spending five days together in our home is entirely different. But again, I knew in my heart that this was a good idea and would bring clarity to my mind as a mother, and as an adoption advocate. But since this isn't all about me, I thought it would be good for Buddy. And from what I knew about his birth mom, I thought it would be exciting for her to see our home, how we live, and more of his personality.

They've now come and gone.  Since their visit, I've been consumed with trying so hard to remember every detail of the visit. I think I learned more about myself, motherhood, grief, healing, joy, the gospel, sacrifice, and kindness in that short week than I have in the rest of my life combined. Not to mention, I gained so much insight into Buddy and his personality than I even thought possible. He is quite like me (and us), but his personality is very complex and I understand him so much more now. The interesting thing is, I realized how similar his birth mother and I are. It's eery how similar we are, so I'm still not sure if nature or nurture is a stronger pull with him. At the very least, it's interesting to think about.

G and I have just been in awe at the experience. First of all, we feel so fortunate to have gotten an objective view of Buddy. When we get caught up in the daily grind of life, it's hard to take a step back and see our children for who they really are. What their talents really are. Why they react or over-react to certain things. We got such a good look at his potential and the many wonderful gifts he came to the world with. I'm not trying to minimize the huge influence we have over him, but I could plainly see that many of her challenges happen to be his challenges. And likewise, her will to be the best she can -- and to love deeply -- and her sensitivity to sacred things -- and her zest for life -- and her sense of humor -- just so happen to be some of Buddy's greatest gifts. Her desire to please and to do good is so strong it incapacitates her at times. When I saw it happen to her while she was with us, my tender motherly heart just broke because it explained so much about Buddy. This will be a challenge for him and until I saw that in her, I didn't understand that part of his personality. Or mine, for that matter.

I have never experienced grief like hers and it was healing and motivating for me to see that in her. I know her, so I knew she wasn't "over it," but I realized while she was with us that she never will be. She sacrificed EVERYTHING so Buddy could have the best life possible. And now that she's a mother, she has a better sense of not only what she gave me, but what she lost. It was really, really hard to realize the intensity of her grief. In my naivety I assumed that because she's doing well and has a great husband and a darling baby and more faith than ever, this part of her life and all it's sadness and joy takes a back seat to everything else she has going on. But seeing the situation for what it is re-motivated me to be a better mother. Pretty much every time I receive an email or gift from her, I re-dedicate myself. But while she was here, I not only was on my best behavior because I felt like I had to prove I was providing everything she hoped for (which caused me more anxiety than you'll ever know).  But like I said, I suddenly caught sight of the bigger situation. I can be the best mother because she's set the pattern for me. Buddy started out with a mother that would lay down her life for him. I have never been asked to do that for him, so it makes the day-to-day mothering seem a little easier.  I can deal with tantrums and laundry and talking back and heaven-help-me all the teenage drama when it comes.  I chose this. And she gave it to me.

The lessons we have learned from her are just too many to count.  But one last lesson must be mentioned.  I kept telling people that it was the best and worst week ever.  Nothing bad happened per se, but as I already shared, the intensity of the situation weighed heavy on all of us (well, not the kids).  It was hard.  And through that, I learned that hard doesn't necessary mean bad.  It's OK to have hard experiences in life.  She placed her baby for adoption knowing it would be hard.  She came to our home knowing it would cause pain.  We invited her to our home knowing she would struggle here.  But it was OK.  In fact, it was good.  And I think there is a good lesson there.

Last, I must make it clear that we do not hide any of this from Buddy.  Some of the heavier conversations are saved for when he's not present because we speak to him in a way a child could understand.  But he knew it was hard for her.  He also knew that we were having a ton of fun and I have never seen him so happy or so "himself."  It was confusing for his birth mother to understand her place while she was here and she wanted to make sure she never parented him or overstepped her bounds (not that she would).  She asked me several times, "Who am I to him?  I'm not an aunt.  I'm not a friend.  I'm certainly not his mom.  Who am I?"  And to be quite frank, it was never an issue for him.  She's his birth mother.  He's comfortable with that because she always has been and because he's never not known her.  She is the one who gave him life, his gorgeous face, his talents, his smarts, his sense of humor, his tenderness, his family, and the gospel.  He knows that.  In fact, a few days ago he had a friend over to play and he asked his friend if he had a birth mom.  The friend was totally confused and said he didn't know what a birth mom was.  Buddy said, "You don't know what a birth mom is?  How do you not know what a birth mom is?  A birth mom is the person who gives birth to you.  She gives you your family."

I don't have a birth mom.  His birth mother doesn't have a birth mom.  So we have this strange need to come up with an explanation of who she is by comparing her to other relationships we have.  It's impossible to do that because this isn't like other relationships.  The interesting thing is, Buddy doesn't do that and he also doesn't confuse who she is.  Very interestingly, his brother, at age 2 also gets it.  Never once while she was here did either boy try to undermine our parenting.  (Buddy does it all the time when grandparents are here so that was a big shocker).  He had so much fun and was so comfortable with them and he tried SO hard to please them.  But he didn't think she was his mom.  And trust me, when Buddy is confused or stressed everyone knows.  He most definitely was not.  It was a relationship you can't totally understand, apparently, unless you're a part of it.

To Buddy it's clear.  I'm not naive enough to think that he'll never have doubts or questions or insecurities, but that is definitely not an issue now.  And if and when the day does come that he has a question, he has a relationship with her, so he can ask her (or me) and she'll tell him.  I love that! 

Native Oregonian

I am the rare Oregonian that actually likes the rain.  Of course I also like the sun, which we get quite a bit of, notwithstanding all sorts of popular myths.  That's how you can tell a Native.  We have no problem with rain.

Today it's raining in Oregon and pretty much everyone I've talked to is complaining up a storm about it.  We had some horrible whether last week: sunny yes, but in the teens, and we Natives are not accustomed to temperatures that cold.  I hated it!  As a matter of principle, I don't like weather that adversely effects my utility bill.

Here is an interesting fact I had to share with you:  today was the first day that I've had to pick Buddy up from the bus stop in the rain.  Three months of school so far.  I walk a couple of blocks every single day to get him and I've never had to venture out with a raincoat until today.  So either it doesn't really rain as much as everyone thinks it does or it doesn't rain at 2:30 in the afternoon on school days.  Or it just means we had a fabulous fall and so that's why everyone is complaining now.  We got spoiled.

This Month is Such a Special One

I've mentioned a time or two that all four of us have birthdays within 4 weeks of each other -- plus there's Thanksgiving and Christmas and several relative's birthdays during that month as well.  I've never seen so much wrapping paper, eaten so much cake, and seen our bank account dry up so quickly.  It's been a nonstop party at our house for the last few weeks.  My birthday hasn't even arrived yet and between getting older and getting burned out on birthday parties, I'm suggesting we just skip it.

Since I never blogged about my firstborn turning six, here are a few pictures.  We celebrated by having a few friends come over to play.  Buddy wanted a mummy-themed party, but I was too busy to plan one, so I threw together some mummy hotdogs and some really lame cupcakes and called it a party.  We also ate dinner as a family at Famous Daves, Buddy's favorite restaurant. 

And then my darling baby turned two.  He quickly got the hang of opening presents and blowing out candles.  So cute!  We celebrated his big day at a work Christmas party and by perusing the isles at Toys R Us, his favorite store, then we ate dinner as a family at Five Guys, mommy's favorite.

G turned the big 35 yesterday, and we celebrated with church, naps, a homemade steak dinner with twice-baked potatoes, broccoli, and a fabulous chocolate cake, if I do say so myself.  We had dinner the night before at Red Robin, Buddy's second favorite restaurant. 

My birthday is next week.  We'll be with G's family and we're planning a dinner WITHOUT kids at the Melting Pot.  I guess we shouldn't skip my big day after all.  If getting older means getting fondue, then I'll take it.

***

By the way, Emma and my Dad got the correct answers on the December Weather assignment.  Good job!

Is There a Doctor in the House?

I took the boys in for their annual pediatrician check-ups this week. It's always an adventure to go, and unfortunately I wasn't thinking when I scheduled them at the same time. Their birthdays are two weeks apart, so I figured why go twice when we could go once. That was not a good strategy I quickly realized. My children don't have bad behavior per se, but they are both hyper and so spending 1.5 hours in a tiny exam room right in the middle of the afternoon (right during naptime for Sambo and right during the afterschool witching hour for Buddy) is a recipe for frayed nerves for mommy.

There were some highlights that caused a chuckle from me, a laugh out loud from the doctor or nurse, and most likely a roll of the eyes from you.

Our pediatrician's nurse is really nice. As she was weighing in the boys, she said, "I saw your kids on the schedule when I came in this morning and I got excited about a great day!"

"Yeah right...!" I said.

And her reply set the stage for the rest of the visit. "Appointments with Buddy are always quite memorable, so yes, I was awfully excited to see what was in store today."

Buddy is petrified of shots -- and not like the normal nervousness that most kids get. I mean the stress-for-days sort of scared. The day before we had tried to go to a free swine flu vaccine clinic in town, but it had been cancelled, unbeknownst to me. Buddy was filled with pure glee, however.

The next day was the check-up and the entire drive over to the appointment Buddy repeatedly asked me how certain I was that he was NOT getting a shot. I must have told him a hundred times before we arrived that he wouldn't need or get any shots. Right when we arrived, Buddy started begging every employee to please not give him any shots. It was the nurse that dropped the bomb that they did have some swine flu vaccines available and she strongly recommended both boys get one. But she said it in code so Buddy wouldn't totally flip out.

He didn't really know what was going on, but he quickly noticed that I was no longer reassuring him that he wasn't getting one. Luckily tears and totally freaking out did NOT begin at this point, but from that point on he was frantic to steer all conversations toward happier thoughts. I swear he's never talked so fast or so much -- and that's saying something.

Meanwhile, Sambo was climbing all over the examination table, falling off the chairs, throwing books in the sink, throwing milk in the special garbage, begging for snacks, etc.

By the end, I was tempted to buy everyone a stiff drink, and none of us even drink. It was that bad.

Here are some of Buddy's highlights:

• He's 42 pounds (hasn't gained anything in a year) --25th percentile for weight.
  
• He's int he 45th percentile for height, which really surprised me. He seems so much smaller than all of his friends and classmates. I guess they are just abnormally tall.
  
• We discussed some other health concerns that would mortify him if he knew I was typing them on our blog, so use your imagination.
• The best was during his frantic "change the subject" episode when asked the doctor to guess his favorite meat. (Sausage)
• Or the time at the end of his frantic "change the subject" episode when he knew I was really annoyed by his attention-seeking, so he asked the doctor if Santa brings presents to only good kids, or sometimes to bad kids. His raised eyebrow and sincerity were so precious. The doctor's response was priceless, "He always brings presents to good kids. But he knows that some kids make bad choices on accident, so he brings them presents too." Even during extreme stress, Buddy still doesn't take his eye off the prize. (Christmas presents)
  
• Or the time when the doctor had to examine his "privates" and Buddy tightly crossed his legs and said, "I know if my mom is with me it's OK for you to do this. But you're not going to make fun of me, are you? And you aren't going to let the nurse come in right now, are you?"
• And then the time when the doctor asked me if he's pooping and peeing well. And before I had a chance to answer "yes," Buddy piped up, "I poop just fine. My mom makes me go poop right before school every day."
• Buddy is showing no signs of getting his 6-year molars. I had no idea children got more teeth! Come to find out they also get more teeth at age 12 and 16 (I did know that.) You learn something new every day!
  

And here are Sambo's highlights:

• He's 25.5 pounds -- and in the 10th percentile for weight. (I know you are shocked at this statistic if you've seen him eat.)
  
• He's in the 45th percentile for height, which also really surprised me. I figured he was shorter than that.
• Sambo had an ear infection, which also surprised me because he had given no indication that he wasn't feeling well.
• The doctor has no idea why he's had a runny nose for the past 2 months. Maybe allergies, maybe ear infections, maybe several viruses, maybe dairy. But definitely not teething, which was what we've suspected.
• The doctor discovered a severely infected pinky finger, which I had not noticed. (Are you getting the impression I'm clueless about my children?) I wracked my brain to try to figure out what had caused it, but I couldn't keep all the falls, bangs, and other owies straight in my memory. Later G reminded me that over a week prior, he had slammed his finger in the heavy doors at church. He cried hard for a minute, but then was fine and that memory got mixed in with the all other owies he gets every day and I totally forgot about it. We decided not to treat it, since it had been over a week. But today it's oozing puss like crazy out of the nail and is swollen to twice it's size, so he'll be starting an antibiotic tonight.
  
• We got a referral for early intervention speech therapy. On one hand I think Sambo is the most precious and perfect child and I love him just how he is. I don't care in the least that he doesn't talk. But I strongly believe that if he really does have an issue with speech or learning, it would be much better to get him help now. I want him to have all the possibilities that life offers and it's hard to take advantage of all of life's educational opportunities if you lag behind in one or more areas. His doctor thought he was a perfect candidate for the program, so hopefully it helps!
  
• The doctor was amused by his personality. How gentle his little spirit is, but how wild and crazy his body is. He said he calls kids like this "silent but deadly". G and I couldn't believe we hadn't already thought of that nickname for him, since that describes him perfectly.
  

Kindergarten Math

I received confirmation this week that Buddy and I were cut from the same cloth. He was doing his math homework unsuccessfully the other day so I stepped in to help. I read a few of these questions and was totally confused. Try as I might, I could not understand what they were asking.

I know, embarrassing, considering this is KINDERGARTEN after all.

Before this experience I thought I was pretty good at math. I kicked G's trash in Statistics at BYU. So I figured if neither me nor Buddy understood the questions, certainly G wouldn't (he want to law school for a reason).

G took a look at the assignment and gently informed me Buddy and I were way over-thinking this and then he gave us the answers. Now see how smart you are. Answer the questions in the comments.

1. Were there more rainy days or windy days in December?

2. How many days were there of snowy or wet weather?

3. How many more days were snowy than sunny?

4. How many days were not windy?

5. Were there more rainy or sunny days?

6. How many days of dry weather were there in December?

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

I love this picture more than I could ever express with words. I've got one son that is a total ham for the camera -- always has been. And another son that refuses to cooperate doing anything I'd like (most especially take a photo) because he'd much rather spend his time staring at his brother, studying his every move. If you want to know anything about my boys' personalities, this says it all.

Projects-Roasting a Turkey

My practice turkey

I'll admit, I'm a decent cook. But I'm a "safe" cook, if that makes any sense. I don't cook risky things, (grill meat, bake fancy cakes, decorate cakes, you get the idea). So a few years ago I attempted my first turkey when we hosted Thanksgiving -- and it was a true disaster. I was intimidated in the first place. Then the turkey didn't thaw completely and so when it came time to cook it, it didn't cook completely. Luckily the breast meat was done and my dad had brought a second turkey so Thanksgiving dinner wasn't entirely ruined. But I was disturbed by the half-raw turkey sitting in my roasting pan. And even more disturbed that I failed big time.

So this year we hosted again and had a guest list of 23 people, including a few people that would be scrutinizing my every cooking move. A started to panic several weeks ago and begged my sister, who is an amazing cook and tries "risky" meals all the time, to send me detailed instructions for roasting a turkey. I have had her turkey before and it was excellent and I know she's been working on perfecting her own recipe for a few years! A few days ago her turkey recipe and play-by-play instructions showed up in my email box. I immediately went to Costco and purchased two fresh turkeys: one for the big day and one so I could practice. Then I went to the store to buy all the supplies. After the boys went to bed I set out to practice. I'm so glad I did because six hours later (at 2:00 in the morning) I pulled a gorgeous turkey out of the oven. G and I dug into it right then and feasted on our success!

A week later, this time with our guests arriving in a few hours, we repeated the brining process, stuffed the bird with all sorts of fruits and vegetables and waited to see if she would come out of the oven as moist as the first did. My sister's instructions said that if done correctly the guests would experience Nirvana. I'm not sure if I'd go that far, but it was fantastic, if I do say so myself. Lets put it this way: It was a very happy Thanksgiving!

* In case I made this seem like the turkey was all my doing, I had a ton of help from G and of course the main credit goes to Myndi for her recipe. THANKS!

Projects-Painting

The lighting in the room is dim, and our camera isn't very good so the color is actually quite a bit different than it appears in the photos. The second photo is closer to the actual color.

A couple weeks ago I managed to finish painting our room, thanks to G's parents watching the boys one day when they were here visiting -- and some late nights after they left. It turned out excellent! It took me months to commit to the color, but G and several trusted friends all gave me some encouragement and I'm really happy with the results. I was really worried the color would be too "baby boy," but quite the contrary (although it does sort of look like a baby's nursery in the photos!)

Making a List

(Click picture to enlarge)

Buddy got a list all ready for Santa this year. My heart was warmed when I read the very first line: A dog for his brother. You must know Buddy is deathly afraid of dogs and can hardly function when there is a dog around. But he knows that his little brother absolutely loves them.

If that isn't the spirit of Christmas, I don't know what is.

P.S. Buddy also asked for: a toy Indian, helicopter, socks, Halloween decorations, treasure chest, pirate ship, legos, bakugans, ninja costume, and Indian costume. At the end of the list he also tells the elf who surely will read it that he loves him so much. (always sucking up!)

Relating

An interesting thing has happened to my relationship with Buddy.

Buddy turns SIX later this week. And for the first time in my life as a parent, I can remember many of the details of my life when I was his age. My first concrete memories are of going to school for the first time and all the milestones that go along with it. It's so strange to be in a place where I can easily relate to his life. When he was a toddler and terrorizing this house (we called him Hurricane Buddy for years) I could not for the life of me relate to that type of behavior.

But a great switch has taken place. He's much more calm now. He's a deep thinker and we have mature conversations. He sits reverently in primary without being reminded. He has a legitimate developing testimony grown from his own work. For the first 5.75 years of his life it was pure torture for him to be held or cuddled. All of a sudden he'd rather snuggle with us than do most anything else. For years he'd rather clean his room from top to bottom than take a nap. Napping was equal to death. As I type, he's napping with daddy -- his request.

I realize this is a precious time in our lives. He's old enough that I can really relate to him and rely on him for lots of help, but he's young enough that he's still a little boy and still needs me for almost everything.

On a lighter note, I'm still enjoying Buddy's stories from school. He enthusiastically shares as many details as possible about his day as soon as he bounds off the bus. Some of the stories dig up memories I hadn't though about in 25 years. Here's a sampling. See if any of these sound familiar to you too.

• A couple days ago I had to wait an extra ten minutes for the bus to show up after school. I wasn't worried (Last time it was late it was held up because Buddy had to go poop after school and the bus driver graciously waited for him. Should I have shared that on my blog? Thank goodness he doesn't read this! Now I make sure he poops BEFORE school because he was horribly embarrassed.) Anyway the other day when the bus finally showed up I noticed that everyone was stuffed into the back 1/3 of the bus. I knew right away. Somebody had barfed on the way home. A right of passage for sure: riding home from school with that smell of puke permeating the entire bus. Remember how the puke would spread further along the rubber flooring with every start and stop of the bus?

• One day when I was volunteering in the classroom the class was working on a worksheet. Buddy had a question, so he raised his hand. After a few minutes the teacher still hadn't called on him because she was helping another child. I noticed Buddy was on the verge of getting impatient and I shot him a "don't you dare be rude" look from where I was sitting across the room. When he got home after school he told me he didn't appreciate my "mean" face I gave him. He claimed he was being patient but his arm was hurting from raising it so long, so he had to put his other arm up to support it. It had been years since I've experienced the "I have something so important to say I'm willing to raise my hand for 10 minutes straight, even though I'm losing feeling in my arm" phenomenon. Did you ever do that?

• He is constantly telling me so-and-so didn't listen today, etc. One day Tori was fooling around during "learning corner" (they sit on a colorful carpet in the corner of the room while the teacher gives a lesson about math, the weather, rhyming, etc). After being corrected several times, "Tori had to go sit at her desk and put her head down." I hadn't heard that phrase since I was in 1st grade, so to clarify, I said, "Does putting your head down mean you fold your arms on your desk and lay your head down on your arms?" After all these years, teachers are still using that as a discipline strategy. And apparently it worked because Buddy considered that episode the most embarrassing moment of the whole school day. And after that conversation I started to remember that game "heads up seven up" and wondered how old he'll be when he first plays that at school.

• A few weeks ago I chaperoned Buddy's first school fieldtrip and it didn't really go all that well. Before the fieldtrip my mom shared a few choice stories about how rudely I treated her when she would faithfully attend my school functions (every single one). I felt really bad that I acted that way but couldn't imagine Buddy doing that. He adores me and Sambo, so boy was I shocked when he suggested before the hayride me and Sambo ride on the other tractor because he wanted to sit by his "friends." And that was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to the disrespect and lack of eye contact from him. Luckily I was warned, and so I got over it pretty quickly (especially after we had a "chat" when he came home from school).

• I have a love-hate relationship with his homework. I think it's quite enjoyable to listen to him read and I love seeing him learn and improve his math and handwriting skills. However, he hates, and I repeat HATES having me help him. He doesn't listen to me and he argues whenever I give him help or feedback. (Right now my dad is saying "boy does this sound familiar"). Every time he starts running his mouth about how much he knows, I have a major flashback to days when my dad would help me with my homework and I would refuse to listen. If he continues to follow my behavior pattern, G will become the full-time homework help. Because the two of us were clearly not meant to co-exist while doing homework.

• I had a real moral dilemma when it came time to order school pictures. Do you remember those? They are ridiculously expensive and if I remember correctly, they never turn out well. So we ended up only ordering the class picture ($9). So when they sent home the "proof" to try to encourage the deadbeat parents that didn't order anything to buy up, I felt better about my decision. In my humble opinion, Buddy is one of the most attractive and photogenic children I've ever seen and yet his school picture was beyond horrific. If I didn't know better I would have thought he was constipated during the photoshoot (but of course that's not the case because I make him go before school, remember). Just another right of passage I guess: bad school pictures. But lucky for him, I've out-smarted the school picture folks and will take him to JC Penney instead.

• And this has nothing to do with school, but I loved this moment in our household. The other night Sambo gagged near the end of dinner and ended up throwing up all his food. It wasn't too big of a deal because it got all over his bib and tray so it was easy to clean up. Not to mention he pukes pretty often (Oh no! he's probably going to be the barfing kid on the bus!!!!) So after we got him cleaned up Buddy was still eating and Sambo was climbing all over the table and all over his chair begging for his food. Buddy snapped "get away from me!" to him. I quickly told him we don't talk to each other like that and asked him to say it again respectfully. In the sweetest voice you've ever heard he tried again, "Sambo? Can you please go somewhere else? You smell like throw-up and I'd like to finish eating."

Hi! I'm Almost Two!

This darling little boy will be two in a few weeks and holy cow does he make that apparent lately. Just a mere three weeks ago he was the best behaved child on the planet. Meek, sweet, cuddly, and just perfect. I recently told G that I loved running errands while Buddy was at school because I had my little sweetheart with me but he was so easy, it was like I was alone. It was the best case scenario.

And then the crib incident happened and I guess through that experience he learned he can control us. This household has not been the same since.

I am totally baffled about this switch in his personality.

Lately he's extremely busy (that's not new actually) and gets into things constantly. He doesn't listen to anything anyone says. He refuses to share. And by refuses, I mean no amount of punishment, distraction, anything will get him to share something he wants possession of. He torments other kids. He pesters Buddy to the point of Buddy actually losing his patience occasionally (which is saying something). He has to do EVERYTHING Buddy does, and I mean everything. He throws temper tantrums, although in his defense not too often. He knows he's more effective if he uses the old standby (pouty lip and big tears). He refuses to cuddle. He throws food on the floor. He rips up books. He colors on every surface in this house and that includes walls, bed sheets, couches, tables, people. He climbs on the counters and throws things on the counter onto the floor. He runs away when I need him to come. He breaks things. He is terribly stubborn. He acts, well, like a 2-year old.

(I know everyone that has seen me parent this child since his infancy is giving themselves a high-five at this point since up til now he's been too good to be true. I know you've all been jealous of that. )

Here are some highlights to the last few days so you can see what I'm up against (And no I still am not over putting him back in his crib 50 times every single bed time for 10 days straight. It'll be a long time before I get over that. And I'm going to keep bringing it up until I recover.)

• Sambo wants to do everything Buddy does, so he thinks he's old enough to go potty on the potty like a big boy. Except I have a strict policy against potty training a child who isn't ready -- and by ready I mean unable to go without accidents or me asking him every five minutes if he needs to go. Sambo is not by any means ready. First of all, he doesn't speak, so he'd never be able to communicate his need to go (although I did do a google search for a potty sign, which I've started to teach him.) Secondly, he's only 23 months, for crying out loud. He IS NOT ready. However, if I had all the time in the world, he'd be sitting on the potty all day long. He is obsessed. I've told him that if he wants to wear underwear (and he does) he needs to tell me if he has to go but that's never happened. As a compromise, I sit him on the potty before bed and in the last week he's peed 4 times. However, when I get him off and try to put a diaper on he gets upset.
  
• He yells "GO!" when he gets impatient in the car. And sometimes he'll yell it for 15 minutes straight. A backseat driver already.
• The other day he climbed up in a stepstool in my bedroom and was fiddling with the light switch, which had the cover off because I've been painting. I told him to get down. And just as I got up to remove him, he got shocked. I could hear the jolt and of course he cried immediately. Luckily he was totally fine, but when I reached him I got a shock too and I noticed the top layer of skin had been burned off on two fingers. Not 30 seconds after running his hand under cold water and consoling him, he was back on the stepstool playing with the lightswitch again.
  
• The other day I was throwing a diaper away in the garage trash and I noticed Buddy's Nike shoes in the trash. They are new, so there was no reason for them to be thrown away. I knew the culprit right away. I wonder what else will turn up missing around here. And I still can't figure out when during the day he was out of my sight long enough to sneak into the garage by himself.
  
• He's still a big eater and can open the pantry, so he tries to help himself to snacks all day long. I do not allow this, so yesterday while he was on Buddy's watch, he took advantage of us both. I was desperate to get some housework done and had pretty much every article of clothing we own in a pile in the hall. I was upstairs folding some of it and the boys were watching a movie. Every 2 minutes I'd call down the stairs, "Is Sambo doing OK?" and every time Buddy would answer "Yes!" After awhile I came down to find Sambo with a pile of crumbs all over the couch and a half-eaten box of Triscuits and Cheese Nips. I had fed him a snack right before my laundry break, by the way. Of course I scolded Buddy for allowing this, and he said, "You asked if he was doing OK. He's doing great!" I'll remember to be more specific next time.

You know what, though? All this and more has added up to more reasons to love and adore our little boy. G and I go to sleep every night talking about how much we adore his personality and how richly he has blessed us. For the first 23 months of his life I've often said he came out just perfect. And now that he's got some spunk to him, I think he might have even gotten more perfect.

Thank You

The conference is over.

I'm not even tired -- it's weird.

To say it was phenomenal would be a huge understatement.

I'm so full of joy and reverence for the adoption experience and for those that shared their stories this weekend. We had birth parents, adoptive parents, adoptees, attorneys, caseworkers, general authorities come. One by one they shared their feelings about adoption. Each person came at the experience from a different angle, but each one came with a message of hope. They all spoke with emotional and boldness that adoption can and will bless all parties involved.

I know for certain that I will joyfully and thankfully look back on this experience for years to come. Both because of the experience I gained in putting all the details together -- but mostly because of the reassurance I felt that my family is being created by divine design. There is a blueprint for my family and each member has arrived in just the way there were supposed to.

Adoption is an extremely complex process. Emotionally, logistically, financially, spiritually, and legally. But it's purpose is simple: Love.

I am so in love with my boys' birth mothers. The lessons I learned this weekend are swirling around in my mind and there just aren't explanations or even metaphors to describe that love I have for them. Not to mention the love they have for their babies.

But I am thankful and I hold those feelings close to my heart. And I'm especially thankful that the two boys who are at the center of all this love will always know that they are loved and wanted.

At Least Two People are Getting Some Sleep Around Here

First things first: Happy November! It's National Adoption Month!

Today my celebrations included:

• Hugging and Kissing my boys about a million times.
• Wearing my Courage necklace which reminds me of all sorts of adopted-related things.
• Buying a new shirt because I deserve it. And I need to look halfway decent tomorrow.
  
• Finishing up last-minute preparations for the conference tomorrow and Saturday
• Writing my congressmen to request they support HR 213, which will make the adoption tax credit permanent.

I still have a lot to blog about including: Another project almost completed. My big surprise project that I still need to tell you about. Some interesting things the boys have been up to. And since it's Adoption Month, I'm supposed to be blogging about adoption. I promise I will do that next week.

In the meantime, please enjoy my token Halloween pics. We had a GREAT Halloween, by the way including grandma and grandpa visiting from Nevada, and my brother and parents coming over for the evening. And I got a new hairdo. (I promise, it's true. But don't get your hopes up. It's subtle.)


And.... The crib-jumping saga is over. Thank goodness because that was a really frustrating 10 days. No, we didn't purchase a crib tent. We just gave in and let the boys sleep together. Buddy has always struggled to fall asleep quickly -- but not anymore. Who knew that all he needed was a little brother to kick him in the back for an hour straight and that would be the ticket. Whatever works, I guess. I'm not joking when I say they have been sleeping marvelously.

Two little monkeys sleeping in the bed.

Projects-Dresser

Yep, that's me in my awesome "work clothes" taking the original stain off and yes, I am wearing a scrunchie

After 11 years of marriage, I suppose it's time for an upgrade. When we were poor college student newlyweds, we bought a very old dresser from a married couple across the street. They were selling all their earthly possessions to afford tuition that semester, so we picked up the fine piece of furniture for $10. The wood was chipped, a few of the handles were missing, and the stain on the wood was very old fashioned. I'm not one to rip somebody off, but we couldn't afford to pay our neighbors any more. We had tuition to pay too! We've lived with it's ugliness in our bedroom all this time and have never bothered to do anything to make it look nicer/more modern.

A friend offered us another dresser a few weeks ago. A little Internet research indicated the dresser was built in the 50's or 60's and in it's time was a decent piece of furniture. I really love the style, especially the tall legs, but the color was horrific at best. We couldn't fathom trading one ugly dresser for another, but our family motto is, "If it's free, it's for me," so we took it. And I decided to get to work refinishing it. G told me I have too many projects in the works and then he gave me a deadline because it was taking up precious space in his garage. I got to work right away.

This photo does not do the ghastly color justice. It was bad.

I sanded the entire thing, stained it, sanded it some more, stained it a few more coats, covered it in varnish, and more varnish. Then G installed some new hardware and voila, the project was done. And only a few weeks longer than G's original deadline.

The finished product!

Stay tuned for more pictures of the dresser in it's new home. (Imagine the brown dresser against a blue wall.) Next project: painting our room. If the stars align, I might start tomorrow!

Projects-Leaves

Buddy has been enjoying doing his homework every night. A few minutes of reading or handwriting or different math games. But this past week the homework was particularly exciting. His teacher was inspired by a book called "Look What I Did With a Leaf!" She had the children collect leaves and create a creature out of the dried leaves. I'm sure Buddy is the first child in the history of time to create a praying mantis out of leaves. But thanks to some help from his clever father, he came up with a really cool piece of art. Looks like daddy just signed himself up for all science or art homework duty from now on. I could never have created anything so cool. I had a hard time letting Buddy take the finished product to school because I loved it so much.

Buddy had so much fun and had enough leftover leaves, so he decided to create another project the next day. He created this dragon all on his own with his leftover leaves. He is very creative and I was especially impressed that he used oak leaf stems as the teeth. I love it!

Projects-Getting Well and Climbing Out

I put Sambo down for a nap in his crib. This is how I found Sambo this afternoon after the nap.

My projects and project-posting got derailed last week. Last week I started feeling a little under the weather on Monday morning. I went about my week mostly like normal and was able to keep up with most of my tasks. I even made headway on one project in particular (more on that in a few days). I was definitely hanging in there. By Wednesday night I was sure I was well. By Thursday evening I was sick as a dog again and things went downhill each day after that. Unfortunately I had a very full weekend and by Sunday night I had completely lost my voice and was so sick I was thinking the swine flu would be better than whatever I had.

But that's all beside my point. The main point is, I've been working hard to keep my youngest son IN.HIS.CRIB. That's my latest project and mission in life. I can tell he's almost two years old because he's been so busy getting into things -- and out of things -- lately that if Buddy hadn't come before and paved the way, I'd think Sambo was totally out of control.

(But since Buddy came first, there is nothing Sambo could do that would shock me or wear me out at this point.)

So the saga all started about two months ago when Sambo first climbed out of his crib. He's extremely agile and has always been a climber, so I wasn't at all surprised when it happened. He was 20 months at the time. He was supposedly taking a nap. I heard a big plop. I went upstairs to find him sitting on the floor. As soon as he saw me, he started crying and put his arms out for me to comfort him. Those of you who know his personality know that he has the saddest cry anyone has ever seen. He cries with the biggest crocodile tears that just pour out of his big brown eyes and pouts his lip like no child I've ever met. It's impossible not to feel badly for him. Which is precisely why he always gets his way. Anyway, he pulled that on me, but I wanted to be clear we DO NOT climb out of the crib so I spoke sternly/yelled at him, and plopped him back in his crib. I turned around and walked out of his room and closed the door behind me.

Another thing you should know is that Sambo hates getting in trouble. He's generally an extremely obedient child (bless him for that). So when I walked out of the room when he was already crying, he started to cry so hard I thought he was going to pass out. He was so sad and since he's spoiled, I just couldn't stand to let him cry like that. So I went back to his room and explained that we don't ever climb out of the crib.

I figured he understood and got the point and for two months never did it again. Yay!

So Saturday night we had a little childfree get-together with some college friends. I told the babysitter my kids are extremely easy to put to bed and I warned Buddy of the consequences of taking advantage of her.

Around 10:30 (right as we were leaving) the babysitter called and frantically said she'd been trying to put Sambo to bed for two hours and he refused. I was totally confused by this because there are plenty of times that he naps too long so then he fools around in his crib at bedtime, but he has never cried and certainly doesn't "refuse." I told her to close the door and walk out and totally ignore him. "You want me ignore him? Buddy can't sleep with all the commotion." she said. "Yes, if you keep going in there he'll never go to sleep. And tell Buddy this is too bad and this is just how it goes when you share a room with your brother," I replied.

I left the party super annoyed with the situation in general. I was annoyed that Buddy wasn't being more mature and was letting his brother get to him. And I was especially annoyed that the babysitter was letting both kids walk all over her.

When I got home I apologized to the babysitter and told her that Buddy would have consequences for contributing to the problem. She begged me not to punish him "because he was actually quite helpful and had nothing to do with this situation." The boys had just fallen asleep, she said.

So the next morning I got ready for church and wandered down the hall to get the kids up. All was quiet in their room and I thought, "It just figures they always sleep in on Sundays when we have to be up early." But when I opened their door, they were both sitting in the dark in Buddy's bed under the covers reading books.

"How in the world did your brother get in your bed?"

"Boy do I have a story for you, mom," Buddy said. "When the babysitter was here last night Sambo climbed out of his bed about 700 times. He kept getting out of his crib and coming into my bed. I was going to sleep and he' kept doing it and every time he'd get in my bed it would wake me up. And when he woke up this morning he climbed out of bed and came and woke me up. He wanted to read books with me."

I felt so bad that I had assume Buddy was the problem. And I felt so bad that I had gotten annoyed with the babysitter. And I felt bad that the babysitter never explained the true problem to me the night before. And I felt so bad that we spoil Sambo so much he thinks he can pull stunts like this.

But trust me, that's not nearly as bad as I felt when I realized this is our new normal. Putting Sambo back in his crib repeatedly every night. And hearing the pitter patter of little feet bright and early every morning.

I've blogged several times before how the boys both BEG to sleep together in Buddy's bed every night. We've tried it, and Sambo isn't nearly mature enough to succeed. Trust me. Even Buddy is changing his mind about that idea. So Sambo must stay in his crib.

And I know they sell crib tents and we are certainly looking into them. I think that's our only option at this point.

Projects-Adoption Conference

I have mentioned a time or two on here that I am on a small committee planning a really exciting regional adoption conference. The conference is November 6-7 and is sponsored by a support group called Families Supporting Adoption, which is sponsored by LDS Family Services.

It's coming up in a few short weeks so while I've been working hard on it almost every day for the past six months, we're down to crunch time now. Besides doing planning the logistics, I've been in charge of the food/catering for the entire weekend and the speakers -- which entails choosing speakers, planning times for breakout sessions, keeping in contact with speakers, collecting biographies on all speakers, etc. I've also booked hotels for out of town speakers not to mention attending hours and hours of planning meetings.

More than one person (including my semi-supportive husband) has asked me why I do this. It's totally volunteer and I already volunteer plenty for the church. Besides planning this conference, I've planned a couple other smaller ones this year, helped organize a family BBQ, hosted a couples game night, put together gift baskets for birth mothers, tested a new website for the agency's headquarters in SLC, etc all this year.

I've given 'why I do it' some serious though lately. And I've decided there are several reasons.

I do it because I love and am passionate about adoption. Of the unwed women who become pregnant, 50% will abort their babies. And less than one percent will place their babies for adoption. I have tons of close friends who are waiting to adopt. One dear friend in particular has been waiting for years to adopt her second child. It's heartbreaking to be in that situation -- trust me I know. And if I dare say it, it's almost worse to see someone else suffer like that too. If I can be an advocate for adoption and encourage even one woman to place her baby, than all this will be worth it.

I do it because we would like to adopt again, and I hope that rubbing shoulders with the staff at the agency will help.

I do it because I hope that my friendships and associations with wonderful birth parents will not only help us to find another baby, but to learn everything possible to help us navigate the emotionally complicated world of adoption. Both now while we are in the adoption trenches, and later when our children have their questions and concerns.

I do it because I've met some terrific friends that share similar lives to mine. I am very lucky that everyone in my life that loves me also loves adoption and supports us wholeheartedly. But there is something so special about adoption and birth mothers and the highs and lows along that way that only a fellow adoptive parent can truly understand. I love spending time with those friends.

I do it because I want my children to know other adopted children.

I do it because somebody asked me to and I can't say no.

I do it because I genuinely like to volunteer and so I might as well volunteer doing something exciting and with people I enjoy.

With all that said, please spread the word about our upcoming conference!

"Families by Divine Design" is the theme for this Regional Conference, which will have information to help families interested in adopting, families that have already adopted and are seeking insights to their children's growth and development, extended families of couples who are involved in adoption, and birth families of adopted children.

Friday, November 6th
and
Saturday, November 7th, 2009

The conference fee is $25.00 per attendee, $35.00 per couple.
There is no fee for birth parents to attend.

Check out some of our great and exciting presenters!

Elder Marvin Brinkerhoff- Area Seventy
General Session Speaker
Topic: Adoption: A Principle of the Gospel
What is the doctrinal and spiritual foundation of adoption? Understand the role the temple and family sealing play in adoption, and how gospel understanding can bring peace to the adoption process.

Lindsey Redfern- Adoptive Mother and Adoption Advocate

Author of this blog:



General Session & Breakout Session Speaker
Topics: The Divine Design of My Adoptive Experience, and Adoption Advocacy

Katie Shelley- Featured Birth Mother on LDS Family Services Website ItsAboutLove.org
General Session and Breakout Session Speaker
Topics: The Divine Design of My Adoptive Experience, and the Birth Parent Panel

Troy Dunn- Host of the television program, "The Locator"
Broadcast of his Keynote Presentation at the National FSA conference.
Troy Dunn, who has become known as "The Locator" from hosting a television show that reunites loved ones, will speak of the lessons he has learned while working in his profession- specifically about adoption. He says that reunions between birth parents and children usually help the adoptees leave with a greater appreciation for their parents who raised them and a better understanding of the incredible sacrifice a birth mother made.

Monica Blume- LCSW and Co-author of this book:

Plus many more speakers and topics!

Don't miss out!!
Go to this website to register or to get more information about the conference:
https://www.123signup.com/event?id=jmdhy